"C, E flat and G walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

C-note ($100 bill)

Cab Calloway's "Hepster's Dictionary" (1938, 1944)

Cabal News Network (CNN nickname)

Cabbage Night (October 30th)

"Cabbage: the age of a taxi"

"Cabernet? More like, caber-yay!"

"Cabinet installer arrested! Charged with counter fitting"

"Cacti are just goth cucumbers"

Cactus Capital of Texas (Sanderson nickname)

Cadillac Health Plan (Cadillac Tax)

Cadillac of Burgers (P.J. Clarke's bacon cheeseburger)

Cadillac of Poker (Texas Hold 'em nickname)

Cadillac of Poker (Texas Hold 'em nickname)

Caesar Salad

Caesarism

"Café au lait? I thought it was café olé! Like 'coffee, alright!'"

Café Brûlot (Café Brûlot Diabolique)

Cafe Society

Cafeteria

Cafeteria Germ (clostridium perfringens nickname)

"Caffeine is PG-13 cocaine"

"Caffeine is the foundation of my food pyramid"

"Caffeine is the new black"

"Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin"

"Caffeine: The other Vitamin C" ("Coffee: The other Vitamin C")

Cajeta

Cajun Capital of Texas (Port Arthur nickname)

Cajun Egg Rolls (Cajun Eggrolls)

Cajun Fries

Cajun Ketchup (Tabasco sauce nickname)

Cajun Microwave (La Caja China; Roasting Box)

Cake Day (New Year's Day, from Scotland)

"Cake is just dessert lasagna"

Cake Shake (Junior’s New Yorker Cake Shake)

"Cake solves everything"

Caketastrophe (cake + catastrophe)

Cala (rice fritter)

"Calamari are a rich man's onion rings"

"Calamari are just boujee onion rings"

"Calamari are just chewy onion rings"

"Calamari are just Italian onion rings"

"Calamari are the onion rings of the sea"

Calas ("Belle Calas! Tout chauds!")

Calas ("Belle Calas! Tout chauds!")

Calatrasaurus (Santiago Calatrava-designed World Trade Center Transportation Hub)

Calendar Girl

Calf Fries

"Calf fries are the original sack lunch"

Calf Slobber (Calf Slobbers)

California: Commiefornia (nickname)

California Dip or French Onion Dip

"California has four seasons -- Earthquake, Fire, Flood and Drought"

California of Texas (Clyde nickname)

Call Drink

Call Girl

"Call me a taxi."/"You're a taxi!"

"Call me an Uber."/"You're an Uber!"

"Call me anything, but don't call me late for dinner"

"Call me butter because I'm on a roll"

"Call me cornbread... cause soon as you start moving iffy I'mma be gone in a jiffy"

"Call me weird but I like all my money facing the same way"

"Call them 'Armadillos' because the team gets killed on the road"

"Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying.....he said canned goods"

"Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what should I be buying? He said, 'Canned goods'"

"Calling All Men," "Select, Don't Settle," "No Bunk. No Junk. No Imitations" (Barney's)

"Calling children strong and able -- clear your dishes off the table"

"Calling it a 'beer run' implies exercise, but calling it 'beer mission' implies importance"

"Calling your life a journey doesn't make it any less of a disaster"

Calm The Fuck Down (CTFD)

Calorically Challenged or Calorically Gifted (fat)

"Calories in one pistachio: 4. Calories burned opening one pistachio: 3,146. Take that, kale"

"Calories (noun) -- Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes tighter"

"Calves for the chavs" (weightlifting sayng)

Calzone

"Calzones are just Italian burritos"

"Calzones are just Italian empanadas"

Cambodian Cheese (prahok nickname)

Camel's Nose

"Camera catches looters stealing trillions" (Congress joke)

Camp Body

Campechana (seafood cocktail)

Campechanas

Campechanos

"Camper: Is it easy to milk a cow? Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it."

"Camping is just being homeless for fun"

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business"

"Camping is technically being homeless for fun"

"Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person"

"Can a blind person eat seafood?"

"Can a hamburger marry a hot dog?"/"Only if they have a very frank relationship."

"Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?" (joke)

"Can a monitored soul be free?"

"Can a news story electrocute somebody? The answer may shock you"

"Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?" (riddle)

"Can anyone recommend a good breakfast wine?"

Can Do Shipyard (Brooklyn Navy Yard)

"Can February March?"/"No, but April May."

Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips (Chevrolet backronymic nickname)

"Can I call you back in a few cups of coffee?"

"Can I call you back in a few margaritas?"

"Can I call you back in a few mimosas?"

"Can I claim the government as a dependent on my taxes?"

"Can I pour you a beer?"/"It's a little early, isn't it?...For stupid questions."

"Can I think of any red wine puns? You bet Shiraz I can"

"Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?"

"Can someone fix bacon packaging? This has gone on long enough"

"Can someone give me a rough idea of how much a ball park would cost?"

"Can someone give me a rough idea of how much a ballpark would cost?"

"Can someone please explain the scientific logic of wearing a mask on a Zoom call?"

"Can someone please explain why I have to pay full price for Swiss cheese?"

"Can someone please fix bacon packaging? There has to be a better way"

"Can someone tell me what the National Constipation Society have been tweeting about? I'm blocked"

"Can we all agree to temporarily raise the bar for what’s considered an 'alcoholic?'"

"Can we eliminate clickbait journalism? The answer may surprise you"

"Can we talk?" (Joan Rivers comic catchphrase)

"Can we try turning the country off and on again?"

"Can we uninstall 2020 and install it again? This version has a virus"

"Can we uninstall 2020 and reinstall it? I believe it has a virus"

"Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?"

"Can you buy clothes pegs online?" (joke)

"Can you give me a lift?"/"Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

"Can you name a Japanese weapon?"/"Shuriken."

"Can you name a Japanese weapon?"/"Sure I can."

"Can you put vodka in a humidifier? Asking for a friend"

"Can you strangle a mime with a cordless phone?"

"Can you tell me the Japanese word for a ninja throwing star?"/"Sure I can."

"Can you tell me when the next train is coming?"/"Look online." (joke)

"Can you tell me when the next train is coming?"/"Look online." ("on line" pun)

"Can you turn on the oven?"/"The oven simply does not find me sexually attractive."

"Can you use 'Mountain Dew' in a sentence?" ("Mount and Do" pun)

"Can zombies do yoga?"/"Of corpse knot!"

"Canada Dry implies the existence of Canada Moist"

"Canada Dry implies the existence of Canada Wet"

Canadian Brainwashing Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

"Canadian buffet. All Yukon eat"

Canadian Bullshit Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

"Canadian Mallomars are called Whippets"

Canajoharie: Flavor-Town (nickname)

"Canapé. Scottish for, I don't have the money"

Canarsien (inhabitant of Canarsie, Brooklyn)

"Cancel culture was created because the left cannot survive in a marketplace of free ideas"

"Cancel my subscription -- I don't need your issues"

CanDo (Canal Downtown)

Candy Apple (Red Candy Apple)

Candy Bar (Chocolate Bar)

Candy Cane

Candy Cane Lane

"Candy cane wishes and mistletoe kisses"

Candy Corn

"Candy corn is just corn turned into corn syrup then back into corn"

"Candy corn is the raisin of the candy world"

"Candy corn: The texture may be gross but at least the flavor is terrible"

"Candy corn: The texture may be off-putting but at least the flavor is horrible"

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker"

"Candy is dandy, but wine is divine"

Cannabisque (cannabis + bisque)

Cannaboutique (cannabis + boutique)

Canned Apple (Big Apple dance + Can-Can dance)

Canned Apple (Big Apple dance + Can-Can dance, 1937)

"Cannibal 1: Your wife makes great soup. Cannibal 2: Yes, but I'll miss her."

"Cannibal implies the existence of cannotibal"

"Cannibal implies the existence of cantibal"

Cannibal Sandwich ("hamburger in the raw" or "beef tartar")

"Cannibal's favorite appetizer: Chef Salad"

"Cannibals take being a people person to one fucked-up level"

"Cannibals will never go hungry. They can always make themselves a snack"

Cannonball Park (John Paul Jones Park nickname)

Canntibal (can't + cannibal)

"Can’t believe they let just anyone make babies but you gotta have a license to fucking fish"

"Can't dance and it's too wet to plow"

Can't Do Crap (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Can't even rob Peter to pay Paul anymore... Peter ain't got it either"

"Can't fight his way out of a paper bag"

Can't Find The Crooks (CFTC backronymic nickname)

"Can't find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly"

"Can't hit the broad side of a barn" (baseball saying)

Can't Pass Again (CPA backronymic nickname)

Can't Produce Anything (CPA backronymic nickname)

"Can't rub two nickels together" (poor)

"I can't speak for anyone else, but I think I'm a terrible ventriloquist"

"Can’t wait for the day I walk down the aisle and hear those magical words: 'Captain speaking...'"

"Can’t wait til they legalize outside"

"Can’t wait til tomorrow. I have another big day of hand washing & looking out the window planned"

"Can’t wait till they legalize outside"

"Can’t wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer..."

"Can't wait to make a huge Thanksgiving dinner so my child can eat one roll"

"Can't wait until they legalize outside"

Cantibal (can't + cannibal)

Cantina (Cantinera)

Cantors' Carnegie Hall (First Roumanian-American Congregation)

Cape Codder (cocktail)

Capeesh (Italian for "understand")

CapEx (Capital Expenditure)

Capirotada (Mexican Bread Pudding)

Capisce (Italian for "understand")

"Capital goes where it's welcome and stays where it's well treated"

"Capital is a coward"

Capital of Everything

Capital of Latin America (Miami nickname)

Capital of the Border (El Paso slogan)

Capital of the World

"Capital punishment means them without the capital get the punishment"

"Capital Punishment: The income tax"

"Capitalism: Bread is lined up waiting for people. Socialism: People line up waiting for bread"

"Capitalism: Funding all other -isms since 4000 BC"

"Capitalism: Funding all other -isms since 1776"

"Capitalism implies the existence of lowercaseism"

"Capitalism is controlled by an 'invisible hand' that gives most people the invisible finger"

"Capitalism is the belief that the wickedest of men will do wicked things for the greatest good"

"Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling class"

"Capitalism isn't evil just because you suck at life"

"Capitalism turns luxuries into necessities. Socialism turns necessities into luxuries"

"Capitalism without failure is like religion without sin. It doesn't work"

"Capitalism without socialism is fascism. Socialism without capitalism is communism"

"Capitalism: Work or starve. Communism: Work and starve"

Capitalism's International Army (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Capitalism's Invisible Army (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Capitalist Bible (Wall Street Journal nickname)

Capitalist Bible (Wall Street Journal nickname)

"Capitalist hell or Communist hell" (joke)

Capitalist Tool (Forbes magazine slogan)

Capitol Hill (Washington, D.C.)

Cappuccello (iced coffee drink with lemon juice)

"Cappuchinos -- coffee colored cotton pants"

Cappuccino

"Cappuccino is the dessert form of coffee"

Cappuchino (cappuccino + chinos)

Capri Salad or Caprese Salad (Insalata Caprese)

"Capri Sun is White Claw for kids"

CAPS LOCK-AMERICAN

Capstone Cabal

"Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents"

Car Owner Virus ("coronavirus" malapropism)

Caracas on the Hudson

Caramel Apple

Caramel Macchiato

"Caramels are just a fad, but chocolate is a permanent thing"

Carboholic

"Carbonated water is just liquid tv static"

"Carbonated water tastes like tv static"

"Carbs don't count on Sunday"

"Carbs don't count on Sundays"

"Carbs on Sunday don't count. Those are the Lord's carbs and He wants you to be happy"

"Cardamom implies the existence of at least one cardachild"

"Cardamom implies the existence of cardadad"

"Cardamom implies the existence of cardadad and cardafamily"

Cardinals (St. Louis baseball team in the National League)

Career Is Over (Chief Information Officer or CIO nickname)

"Careful girls, fat guys just wanna get inside your pantries"

"Careful, girls, fat guys just want to get into your pantries"

"Careful, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings"

"Careful ladies, fat guys just want to get in your pantries"

"Careful snowflake, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings"

"Cargo space?"/"Car no do that. Car go road."

Carmageddon (car + Armageddon); Carpocalypse (car + apocalypse)

Carnaval Del Boulevard

Carne Asada (Carne Asado)

Carne Guisada

Carnegie-Ford-Rockefeller (Council on Foreign Relations or CFR nickname)

Carnegie Hall of Cuisine (James Beard House nickname)

"Carpe Vino" (seize the wine)

Carpet Gun

Carpetbag Steak

Carpocalypse (car + apocalypse); Carmageddon (car + Armageddon)

Carriage Trade

Carrolltonian (inhabitant of Carrollton)

Carrot-and-Stick (Stick-and-Carrot)

"Carrot juice is technically orange juice"

Carrot-Raisin Salad

"Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way"

"Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision"

"Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision"

Carry/hold a torch for someone

Carthaginian (inhabitant of Carthage, Texas)

Cartoon News Network (Cable News Network or CNN nickname)

"Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy"

Caruso (cocktail)

Carvel (Flying Saucer, Wednesday is Sundae, et al.)

"Carvers are starvers" (carving adage)

"Carving a pumpkin is a great activity if you're in an artsy mood and also feel like stabbing..."

Carwashero (carwash worker)

Cary Grant (cocktail)

Casedemic (case + -demic)

Cash Cow

"Cash is the currency of freedom"

Cash on the Sidelines

"Cashier in supermarket: You have 12 items. This is the 10 items only queue. Can't you read?" (joke)

"Cashier: The self-checkout is available. Customer: I don't work here."

"Cashier wanted. Must be 18 years old with 20 years experience"

Cashtration (cash + castration)

Casting Couch

Casuey (South Texas term for "bucking")

Cat Alley (Cannon Street)

Cat Café

Cat Dog Cat Corporation (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Cat Food Commission or Catfood Commission (Deficit Commission nickname)

Cat Pack

Catalina Coupon

"Cataract is the third biggest cause of blindness. Religion and politics remain the first two"

"Catastrophe: when a taxidermist mounts the wrong end of the lion"

Catbird Seat or Cat Bird Seat (a superior or advantageous position)

"Catch and kill" (buying and burying a news story)

"Catch flights, not feelings"

"Catch-up hockey is losing hockey" (hockey adage)

"Catchers make the best managers" (baseball adage)

"Catches win matches" (cricket adage)

Catchupcino or Catchupino (catch up + cappuccino)

Catchupino or Catchupcino (catch up + cappuccino)

Catfish Capital of Texas (West Tawakoni)

Catfish Toes

Cathedral of Asphalt (Asphalt Green)

Cathedral of Baseball (Yankee Stadium)

Cathedral of Commerce (Woolworth Building)

Cathedral of the Skies (Empire State Building)

Cathedral of the Motion Picture (Roxy Theatre)

Ike Dike (proposed Texas Gulf Coast flooding barrier)

Catholic Intelligence Agency (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

"Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos"

"Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them"

Catskill Mountains: Yiddish Alps (nickname)

Catskill Mountains: Borscht Belt or Borscht Circuit (nickname)

Catskill Mountains: Catskill Mountain Rock

Catskill Mountains: "Catskill Mountains? Don't cats kill mice?"

Catskill Mountains: Jewish Alps (nickname)

Catskill Mountains: Sour Cream Alps (nickname)

Cattalo or Catalo or Cattelo (cattle + buffalo)

"Cattle come first, then men, then horses, then women"

Caucus

"Cauliflower is just albino broccoli"

"Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli"

"Cauliflower is just scared broccoli"

"CAUTION: I brake for no apparent reason"

"Caution: May bite before caffeine"

"CAUTION: May bite before coffee (and after too)"

"Caution! This vehicle makes frequent stops at your mom's house" (bumper sticker)

"Caution: When someone says get a grip, apparently around their neck is NOT what they meant"

"Cautions breed cautions" (auto racing adage)

Caviar of the South (boiled peanuts)

Caviar of the South (grits)

Caviar of the South (pimento cheese)

"Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money"

CBGB & OMFUG

CBO (cheddar-bacon-onion sandwich)

C.C.N.Y. (Christian College Now Yiddish)

"CDC said y’all can start using your blinkers"

Cedar Chopper

Cedar Hillbillies (inhabitants of Cedar Hill)

Cedar Parker (inhabitant of Cedar Park)

"Ceiling fans are just helicopter blades that didn't study hard enough"

"Ceiling fans are just mobiles for adults"

"Ceiling fans are really just helicopters who gave up on their dreams and opted for an office job"

"Celebrate Holy Week by flogging a banker. It's what Jesus would have done"

"Celebrate Holy Week. Flog a banker"

"Celebrate Presidents' Day by making a promise you have no intentions of keeping!"

"Celebrate your freedom this 4th of July by stopping by a government checkpoint"

"Celebrating the Ides of March by ordering Little Caesars and cutting the pizza 23 times"

Celebutante

"Celery farmers play the stalk market"

"Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza"

"Celery is basically just grass with water retention"

"Celery is just crunchy water"

"Celery is just crunchy grass-flavored water"

"Celery is just glorified grass"

"Celery is nature's dental floss"

"Celery is the only food that has both ranch dressing and peanut butter as acceptable toppings"

"Celery is what happens when you tell grass it can be anything it wants to be"

Celery Soda or Celery Tonic (Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray soda)

"Celery: When you have that sudden urge to bite into water with hair in it"

"Cell phones keep getting thinner and smarter...people the opposite"

"Cells multiply when they divide"

Cement Doughnut or Cement Donut (bagel)

Cemetery Belt (Glendale)

Cemetery Vote

Cenosillicaphobia (fear of an empty glass)

"Cenosillicaphobia -- the fear of an empty glass"

"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it"

"Censorship is the child of fear and the father of ignorance"

"Censorship is the child of fear, the father of ignorance, desperate weapon of fascists everywhere"

"Censorship is the hallmark of neoliberalism"

"Censorship is the life blood of neoliberalism"

"Censorship is the tool used when lies lose their power"

CensorTube (YouTube nickname)

Center for American Regress (Center for American Progress nickname)

Center for Death and Chaos (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Death and Corruption (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Death Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Democratic Communists (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Democratic Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Denial and Confusion (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Deranged Communists (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Disease Continuance (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Disease Creation (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Disease Crimes (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Disinformation and Confusion (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center of the Earth (Center of the World)

Centers for Depopulation and Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Centers for Disease Contradiction and Confusion (CDC nickname)

Centers for Doubt & Confusion (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Centers to Deceive and Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Central Banks' Central Bank (Bank for International Settlements or BIS nickname)

Central Distressway (Central Expressway in Dallas)

Central Park SummerStage

Centre of the Universe (Toronto, Canada nickname)

Centroplex (Belton/Killeen/Temple nickname)

Cereal Bar

"Cereal belongs in a bowl" (football joke)

"Cereal boxes never state milk is sold separately"

"Cereal is a bread salad with milk dressing"

"Cereal is breakfast soup"

"Cereal is just milk soup"

"Cereal is just pet food for people"

"Cereal is like pet food for humans"

"Cereal tastes better at night"

"Cereal tastes much better at night"

Certainly Not News (CNN nickname)

Certificate Of Vaccination ID (COVID backronym)

Certificate Of Vaccine ID (COVID backronym)

Certified Idiots of America (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Chainstaurant (chain + restaurant)

Chaircreature (Chairman of the Federal Reserve nickname)

Chairsatan (Chairman of the Federal Reserve nickname)

"Chalk it up to experience"

Chalk Night (October 30th)

Challahpeño or Challapeño (challah + jalapeño)

Challapeño or Challahpeño (challah + jalapeño)

Chalupa

Chalupa Burger

"Chalupas are just flat tacos"

Chambong (champagne + bong)

"Chamomile implies the existence of chamokilometer"

"Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody"

Champagne of the South (sweet tea)

"Champagne taste on a beer budget"

"Champagne to our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends"

Champagne Unit (Texas Air National Guard nickname)

"Champagne wishes and caviar dreams"

"Champions are made when nobody is watching" (sports and exercise adage)

"Champions don't become champions in the ring -- they are merely recognized there"

Champurrado

Chancy Street (Chauncey Street, Brooklyn)

Change Decisions Constantly (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Change doesn't come from Washington; change comes to Washington"

"Change is good, but dollars are better"

"Change is inevitable -- except from a vending machine"

"Change planes in Dallas" (where a Texan going to heaven or hell goes first)

"Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable"

"Change the world. Start with coffee"

"Change your plate. Change your fate"

Changes Decisions Constantly (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Changing Lives Since 1812" (New York City Mission Society)

"Channel the flannel" (winter saying)

Chair Force (Air Force nickname)

"Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow"

"Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose"

Charbucks (Starbucks nickname)

"Charcuterie boards are just Lunchables for adults"

"Charity, please" (Halloween request)

Charity Stripe (basketball free-throw line)

"Charles Dickens walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

Charley Horse (Charlie Horse)

Charlie Taylor (butter substitute)

Charlotte Russe

Charm City (Baltimore nickname)

Charm of the Texas Coast (Rockport-Fulton nickname)

Charm Offensive

Charro Beans (Frijoles Charros; Frijoles a la Charra; Cowboy Beans)

Charter School

Chartichoke (Arctic char + artichoke)

Charticle (chart + article)

"Chase your passion, not your pension"

Chat-Down

"Cheap alcohol in suburbs is called subourbon whiskey"

"Cheap beer is like having sex in a canoe" (joke)

Cheap Charlie (candy store)

"Cheap service isn't good and good service isn't cheap"

Cheapatarianism (cheap + vegetarianism); Cheapatarian

Cheapuccino or Cheappuccino (cheap + cappuccino)

Cheat Every One (Chief Executive Officer or CEO nickname)

"Cheat on your boyfriend, not on your workout"

"Cheat on your girlfriend, not on your workout"

"Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater"

Cheater Ribs

"Check a story, lose a story"

Check Pants Republican (Check Pants Conservative)

"Check, please!" (restaurant saying)

"Check the date, love your state" (vehicle registration)

"Check yourself before you wreck yourself"

Checkbro (chess word alternative to "checkmate")

Checkbuddy (chess word alternative to "checkmate")

Checker Cab

"Checkers or wreckers" (auto racing saying)

Checkfriend (chess word alternative to "checkmate")

"Checking Facebook is like checking your underwear after a fart. There's most likely nothing new..."

"Checking social media at work is our generation's smoke break"

"Checking social media at work is our generation's smoke break"

"Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation"

"Checkmarks imply the existence of checkmatthews, checklukes and checkjohns"

Checkpal (chess word alternative to "checkmate")

Checkpoint to the Stars (Sierra Blanca border patrol checkpoint nickname)

"Cheerios are donut seeds"

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right"

"Cheers to making pour decisions"

"Cheers to making pour decisions tonight"

"Cheers to pour decisions"

"Cheers to Sunday! May your coffee be strong, your pajamas be comfy and your naps be uninterrupted"

"Cheers to the people who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky bastards who get to meet us" (toast)

"Cheers to the people who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky ones who get to meet us" (toast)

"Cheers to the people who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky people who have yet to meet us" (toast)

"Cheers to the weekend. May your coffee be strong, your pajamas comfy and your naps uninterrupted!"

"Cheese and rice!" or "Cheese and crackers!" or "Cheese and crust!" ("Jesus Christ!")

"Cheese balls are just round Cheetos"

"Cheese balls are spherical Cheetos"

Cheese ("Cheese it -- the cops!")

Cheese Danish

Cheese Dip

"Cheese dip is thicker than blood" (joke)

Cheese Fries (Chili Cheese Fries; Jalapeño Cheese Fries)

"Cheese is basically happiness that you can melt"

"Cheese is just a loaf of milk"

"Cheese is just food glue"

"Cheese is just milk jerky"

"Cheese is the adult form of milk"

"Cheese is the savoury equivalent of chocolate"

"Cheese makers have many expenses in curd"

"Cheese Nips are just Goldfish for adults"

"Cheese Nips are just square Goldfish"

"Cheese omelettes are just egg quesadillas"

"Cheese puffs are just boneless Cheetos"

"Cheese sounds a lot more appetizing than 'fermented cow boob juice'"

"Cheese sticks are just milk jerky"

"Cheese sticks imply the existence of cheese trees"

Cheese Tea

"Cheese wheels are grated on a curve"

Cheesebox (Castle Williams)

Cheeseburger

Cheeseburger Capital of Texas (Friona nickname)

Cheesecake

"Cheesecake" and "Beefcake" (photography)

"Cheesecake is actually pie"

"Cheesecake is healthier than crystal meth"

Cheesecrap Factory (Cheesecake Factory nickname)

"Cheetos are just elongated cheese balls"

"Cheetos are just stretched out cheese balls"

"Cheez-Its are just adult Goldfish"

"Cheez-Its are just Goldfish for adults"

"Cheez-Its are just square Goldfish"

"Chef: Any cook who swears in French"

Chef Salad (Chef's Salad)

Chefdom

"Chefs are hard-working, talented artists. And we all turn their best efforts into shit"

"Chefs make such terrible investors. They're always trying to thyme the market"

Cheftestant (chef contestant)

Cheftestapant (chef + contestant + participant)

Chelsea Market

"Chelsea Morning" (1969)

Chelseaite (inhabitant of Chelsea, Manhattan)

Chelsean (inhabitant of Chelsea, Manhattan)

Chernobyl Death Obligation (Collateralized Debt Obligation or CDO nickname)

Cherpumple (cherry + pumpkin + apple)

Cherry Blossom Festival (Brooklyn Botanic Garden)

Cherry City (Salem nickname)

Chelsea Apple Orchard (1820s)

Chess District; Washington Square Park's "Snake Pit"

"Chess is life" (Bobby Fischer)

"Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer" (pun)

Chess Pie

"Chess players are pawn stars"

"Chess players mate better"

"Chess was the first game to have gender-fluid pieces. Pawns can become queens or knights"

Chevon (goat meat)

"Chevrolet has developed a SUV that runs on alcohol. They call it the Subourbon"

"Chew the scenery" (to overact)

Chewing Gum

"Chewing gum is like a stress ball for your mouth"

Chewsday (chew + Tuesday)

Chez Marshalls (Marshalls nickname)

Chi-raq (Chicago nickname)

Chi-Town (Chicago nickname)

Chiberia (Chicago nickname)

Chica Chica Card

"Chicago style pizza implies the existence of AP style pizza"

"Chicago style pizza implies the existence of MLA style pizza"

"Chicharrones are just meat cotton candy"

Chicharrones (pork cracklings)

Chicken a la King

"Chicken, airplane, soldier" (backstroke swimming)

Chicken and Dumplings (Slickers)

"Chicken and dumplings are just a deconstructed chicken pot pie"

"Chicken and dumplings is just deconstructed chicken pot pie"

Chicken and Waffles

Chicken Bingo (Chicken Poop Bingo; Chicken Shit Bingo)

"Chicken broth is bird tea"

Chicken Chili

Chicken Cone (ACL Fest food from Hudson's on the Bend)

Chicken Divan

Chicken Fajitas

"Chicken for the strength, waffles for the speed" (Lucky J's chicken & waffles)

Chicken French (Chicken Française; Chicken Francese); Veal French

Chicken Fried Bacon

Chicken Fried Chicken (CFC)

Chicken Fried Kingdom (Texas nickname)

Chicken Fried Ribeye Steak

Chicken Fried Salmon

Chicken Fried Shrimp

Chicken Fried Steak (CFS); Country Fried Steak

"Chicken in the car and the car won't go" (Chicago spelling rhyme)

"Chicken is only a breakfast food if it hasn’t been born yet"

"Chicken is the default meat"

Chicken Katsu (Torikatsu or Tori Katsu)

Chicken Kiev (Chicken a la Kiev)

Chicken Laredo

Chicken Lettuce Under Bacon ("club" sandwich backronym)

Chicken Lettuce Wrap (Yook Soong)

"Chicken loses job. Chicken is broke. Chicken strips"

Chicken Murphy

Chicken Noodle News or Chicken Noodle Network (CNN nickname)

Chicken Noodle Soup

"Chicken noodle soup is alphabet soup but in cursive"

"Chicken nuggets are just chicken meatballs"

"Chicken nuggets are meatballs"

"Chicken parm, you taste so good"

Chicken Peppers

"Chicken pot pie -- my three favorite things"

Chicken Ranch (or, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas)

"Chicken salad is just well aged egg salad"

"Chicken soup is just bird tea"

"Chicken stock is just bird tea"

Chicken Tetrazzini

"Chicken today, feathers tomorrow"

Chickenhawk (Chicken Hawk)

"Chickens like to draw, but a cock'll doodle, too"

Chickentarian

"Chicks dig the long ball"

Chief Cook and Bottle Washer

Chief Everything Officer (Chief Executive Officer or CEO nickname)

"Chief executives have no more feeling for stockholders than for African baboons" (T. Boone Pickens)

Chiffalo (chicken + buffalo)

Chiffon Pie

Chihuahua Sandwich

Chilada (chili + enchilada/tostada, or -chilada)

Chilaquiles

Child Import Agency (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

"Child with autism on board" (vehicle sign)

"Children born 9 months from now should be referred to as 'children of the quarn'”

"Children, if you are tired, keep going; if you want to taste freedom, keep going"

"Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents..." (joke)

"Children learn what they live"

"Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing"

"Children must be taught how to think, not what to think"

"Children should be taught how to think, not what to think"

Children's Menu; Oscar's Sauce (from the Waldorf)

Chile Colorado (Chili Colorado)

Chile con Carne

Chile con Queso (Chili con Queso)

"Chile is one of the few foods that has its own goddess" (Diana Kennedy)

Chile Relleno

Chile Stand (Chili Stand); Tamale Stand

"Chile Today, Hot Tamale" (or "Chili Today, Hot Tamale")

Chiletoque

Chili Burger; Chili Dog

Chili Capital of the World (Terlingua nickname)

Chili Gravy (Chile Gravy)

Chili Head

"Chili is basically just hamburger soup"

"Chili is just American curry"

"Chili is just cowboy curry"

"Chili is just Mexican curry"

"Chili is just southern curry"

"Chili is just Tex-Mex curry"

"Chili is just Texan curry"

"Chili is just Texas curry"

"Chili is just western curry"

"Chili is just white people curry"

Chili Mac

Chili Powder

Chili Queen (or Chile Queen)

"Chili represents your three states of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas"

Chilled Grease (spoonerism of "grilled cheese")

Chilly Dog (ice cream on a hot dog bun)

Chilorio (Mexican chile-seasoned pork dish)

Chiltepin (State Native Pepper)

Chilympiad

Chimichanga

Chimichurri (Dominican Chimichurri Burger; Chimi Truck)

Chin Sail (face mask)

"Chin up, shoulders back. Wipe those tears and get back on track..."

"China makes and the world takes" (business saying)

China Originated Virus In December 2019 (COVID-19 acronym/backronym)

Chinatown

Chinatown North (East Village, Manhattan)

Chinese Apple (for "pomegranate")

Chinese Broccoli (kai-lan or gai-lon)

Chinese Burrito or Chinese Taco (Moo Shoo Pork or Moo Shu Pork or Moo Shi Pork)

Chinese Chews

"Chinese food is one of the few things I have or consume that isn't really made in China"

"Chinese food is one of the few things I have or consume that isn't really made in China"

Chinese Hamburger (Rou Jia Mo)

Chinese Handball

Chinese Handball

Chinese Home Run (Chinese Homer)

Chinese Hot Dog

Chinese Pepper Steak

Chinese Popcorn (Sweet & Pungent Shrimp)

Chip Butty

Chip Keef (Chip Kief)

Chip Kief (Chip Keef)

Chipotle

Chippendale Building (SONY building)

"Chips and salsa for breakfast because it's Mexico somewhere"

"Chips are for sandwiches, not shoulders"

"Chips are just edible spoons"

"Chips have little nutritional value. That's why you need to eat the whole bag"

"Chiron was a half human/half horse doctor, which made him the Centaur for Disease Control"

"Chiropractors are technically crack addicts"

"Chiropractors are technically crack dealers"

Chitlin' Circuit

Chive Box or Chive Pocket (Jiucai Hezi)

"Chobani is a poor man's Fage"

Choc-block (chocolate + block)

Chocha Beach (Orchard Beach)

Choco Taco or Taco Helado (ice cream taco)

Chocoholic

"Chocolate and vanilla are considered opposites because of their colors, not flavors"

Chocolate Brownie

"Chocolate by the Bald Man" (Max Brenner)

Chocolate Chip Muffin (State Muffin?)

Chocolate City (New Orleans nickname)

"Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad"

Chocolate Easter Bunny (Chocolate Easter Rabbit)

Chocolate Fondue

"Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is also a flavor of chocolate"

"Chocolate is great. It gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate"

"Chocolate is nature's way of making up for Mondays"

"Chocolate makes your clothes shrink"

"Chocolate, men, coffee -- some things are better rich"

Chocolate Milk

"Chocolate milk comes from brown cows" ("Chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows")

"Chocolate milk is just cold hot chocolate"

Chocolate Show

Chocolate Whiskey Cake

Chokelahoma (Oklahoma nickname)

"Choking Poster" in restaurants

Chookas ("good luck" in Australian theatre)

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"

"Choose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring"

Chop Suey

Chopped Brisket (sandwich)

Chopped Cheese

"Chopped cheese is just a deconstructed cheeseburger"

Chopped Liver

Chopped & Screwed or Screwed & Chopped (Houston-based hip-hop)

Chopper City (New Orleans nickname)

Chopstick-Straw (Soup Sticks)

Chorine

Chorine Court (West 47th Street, between Broadway and Sixth Avenue)

Chorine Court (West 47th Street, between Broadway and Sixth Avenue)

Chorizontal (chorizo + horizontal)

Chork (chopstick + fork)

Chorus Girl

Chorus Girl's Breakfast or Whore's Breakfast (cigarette and New York Morning Telegraph)

Chorus Line

Choup (chowder + soup)

Chow

Chow Chow

Chow Mein Sandwich; Chop Suey Sandwich

Chow Mein Stem (Broadway; Mott Street)

Chow Mein Street (Broadway)

Chowhound (Chow Hound)

Chowmeinerie or Chowmeinery (a Chinese restaurant)

"Christ Offers Forgiveness For Everyone Everywhere" ("coffee" backronym)

"Christian hotels be like -- Amen-ities"

Christians In Action (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Christmas Adam (December 23, the day before Christmas Eve)

"Christmas calories don't count"

Christmas Capital of Texas (Grapevine nickname)

"Christmas cookies and happy hearts, this is how the holiday starts"

"Christmas feels more like a deadline than a holiday"

"Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet"

"Christmas is a deeply religious time we observe by going to the mall of our choice"

"Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone"

"Christmas is just Thanksgiving with gifts"

"Christmas is just Thanksgiving with presents"

"Christmas is more of a deadline than a holiday"

"Christmas is not as much about opening presents, as opening our hearts"

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money"

"Christmas: The only time of year where you can sit by a dead tree and eat candy out of socks"

"Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental"

Christmas Tree Bill

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful"

Christocrat (Christian + -ocrat)

Chubbing

"Chubby, single and ready for a Pringle"

Chuck Box

"Chuck E. Cheese is really just a casino for children"

Chuck E. Disease's (Chuck E. Cheese's nickname)

Chuck Eater

Chuck Line (Chuckline)

Chuck Wagon

CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers)

Chuggable

Chump Change

"Chunky peanut butter is just peanut butter with pulp"

Chupacabra or Chupacabras (goat-sucker)

"Church is never out until they stop singing"

Church of Rock and Roll (Fillmore East)

Church of the Generals (St. John's Episcopal Church, Fort Hamilton, Brooklyn)

Church of the Holy Barbecue (New Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Huntsville)

Church of the Painful Truth

"Churches and the casinos are closed. When heaven and hell both agree on something...it’s serious"

Churnalism (churn + journalism)

Churning

Churrnut (churro + doughnut)

Churros (Spanish fritters or doughnuts)

CIA News Network (CNN nickname)

CIA News Network (CNN nickname)

CICINO (Commander-In-Chief In Name Only)

Cider Bar

Cidery (cider winery)

Cigar City (Tampa nickname)

"Cigars, beer, and whiskey are all made from plants... I think I might be a vegetarian!"

Cilanthropist or Cilantropist (cilantro + philanthropist)

Cilantropist or Cilanthropist (cilantro + philanthropist)

"Cilantropist -- someone who's generous with cilantro in their recipes"

Cinco de Drinko (Cinco de Mayo + drink)

Cinco de Mayo (fifth of May)

"Cinco De Mayo on Taco Tuesday and it’s ruined by a virus with the same name as a Mexican beer"

"Cinco de Mayo will fall on Taco Tuesday. This is it people. This is what we’ve been training for"

Cinderella City

Cinema Island (City Island)

"Cinema means sin and enema"

"Cinnamon is really just delicious sawdust"

"Cinnamon rolls not gender roles"

Cinnsation (cinnamon + sensation); Cinnsational

CINO (Catholic/Christian/Conservative In Name Only)

Cioppino (Ciopino; Ciuppin)

"Circle is the shape of soup"

Circle of Liberty

Circle of Taste

Circuit of the Americas (Austin racetrack)

Circuit Queen

Circus Peanuts (candy)

Ciscoan (inhabitant of Cisco)

Citadel of Chic (Condé Nast Building)

Citigov (Citigroup + Government)

Citiot (city + idiot)

Citizens' Filibuster (Citizen's Filibuster)

Citrus Capital of Texas (Weslaco nickname)

City Bakery's Hot Chocolate Festival

City Chicken

City for Sale

"City Juice" & "One on the City" (water)

City of a Million Dreams (New Orleans nickname)

City of a Thousand Mounds (Austin nickname)

City of Big Shoulders or City of Broad Shoulders (Chicago nickname)

City of Brotherly Love (summary)

City of Champions (Duncanville nickname)

City of Churches (Brooklyn)

City of Cities

City of Contrasts (Odessa slogan)

City of Fire (Coney Island)

City of Flour and Sawdust (Minneapolis nickname)

City of Golden Dreams

City of Hate (Dallas nickname)

City of Hills (Austin nickname)

City of Ideas (Austin nickname)

City of Light or Ville Lumière (Paris, France nickname)

City of Live Oaks and Friendly Folks (slogan of both League City and Pleasanton)

City of Magnificent Distances (Washington, D.C. nickname)

City of Neon and Chrome

City of Palms (McAllen nickname)

City of Refined Oil and Crude People (Houston nickname)

City of Roses or Rose City (Portland nickname)

City of Stars (Kilgore nickname)

City of Straits (Detroit nickname)

City of Syrup (Houston nickname)

City of the Hour (Dallas nickname)

City of the Violet Crown (Austin nickname)

City of Yes (New Orleans nickname)

City on the Make (Chicago nickname)

City Series (Mets vs. Yankees)

City That Care Forgot (New Orleans nickname)

City That Forgot to Care (New Orleans nickname)

City That Lifted Its Face (Weslaco nickname)

City That Never Sleeps

City That Works (Chicago nickname)

City Under Seven Flags (Laredo nickname)

City With Everything

City With No Limits (Houston slogan)

City With the Neon Skyline (Weslaco nickname)

City Without Limits (Killeen slogan)

CityHawks, Dragons (arena football teams)

Citymeals-on-Wheels; City Harvest

Civic Virtue (Big Boy, Fat Boy, Rough Guy)

"Civil engineering implies the existence of criminal engineering"

"Civil servant missile -- it doesn't work and it can't be fired"

"Civil War jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny"

Clam Digger & Mussel Sucker (City Island terms)

Clambake (Clam Bake)

Clams Casino

"Clapping is just repeatedly high-fiving yourself over someone else’s achievement"

Clara-Bortion (Clara Barton High School nickname)

"Clarinet: I wet my reeds with the tears of brass players"

Clash of the Boroughs (Brooklyn Nets vs. New York Knicks)

Classhole (class + asshole)

"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune"

"Clean and sober just means that I’m showered and heading to the liquor store"

"Clean sperm is the new Bitcoin"

Clean Vote

"Cleaning house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing"

"Cleaning is better when no one else is home"

"Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places"

"Cleaning the house while your kids are home is like brushing your teeth while eating an Oreo"

"Cleaning the house with children in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreo cookies"

"Cleaning windows is a pane in the glass"

"Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos"

"Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets"

"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose"

Clearly Texas (Uvalde slogan)

"Clients go to jail and lawyers go to lunch"

Cliff Dweller

Climastrology (climate + astrology); Climastrologer (climate + astrologer)

Climatard (climate + retard)

"Climate change doesn’t care if you believe in it or not"

"Climate change happens four times a year. It's called seasons"

"Climate change happens four times a year -- winter, spring, summer, fall"

"Climate Change: Where the weather is always your fault and the only solution is more communism"

Climate Cliff

Clinton News Network (CNN nickname)

Clinton News Network (CNN nickname)

"Clogs to clogs in three generations"

"Clones are people 2"

"Clones are people two"

"Close, but no cigar"

"Close enough for government work" ("Good enough for government work")

"Close enough for jazz" (music adage)

"Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades"

"Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and ballroom dancing"

"Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and drive-in movies"

"Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and slow dancing"

Close to everything, far from it all (League City slogan)

"Closed but still awesome" (store sign)

Clot Shot (#ClotShot)

Clothespin Vote

Clotshop (vaccination site)

Clottery (blood clot + lottery)

Cloud Around the Moon (Chinese dish of king crabmeat, scallops and lobster)

Cloud Commissary

Cloud Kitchen

Cloud Restaurant

Clown Hall or Clownhall (clown + town hall meeting)

Clown News Network (CNN nickname)

Clowncil (Clown Council)

Clowndidate (clown + candidate)

Clowngrade (clown + downgrade/upgrade)

Clowngress (clown + Congress)

Clownhall or Clown Hall (clown + town hall meeting)

Clownhall (Townhall nickname)

Clownigarch (clown + oligarch)

Clowns In Action (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Clowns In America (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

CLT (chicken, lettuce and tomato)

Club Row (West 27th Street)

Club Row (West 44th Street)

Club Sandwich (Club House Sandwich; Clubhouse Sandwich)

"Club sandwiches, not seals"

"Club soda is just angry water"

"Club soda is just liquid tv static"

"Club soda tastes like tv static"

Club Trillion (basketball slang for a benchwarmer's statistics)

Clubstaurant (club + restaurant)

CNBS (CNBC nickname)

CNN Effect

"CNN said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who does the world owe? Jupiter?"

CNNPC (CNN nickname)

Co-op City

"Co-Vid would be a much better name for Zoom"

Coachella East (Panorama Music Festival nickname)

Coachspeak

"Coaster?? That's for people who put their coffee down"

Coastie (Coast Guard member nickname)

"Coating chicken in egg batter is pretty messed up when you think about it"

Coattails

COB Pizza (cheese-on-bottom)

Cobb Salad (Southwest Cobb Salad; Southwestern Cobb Salad; Texas Cobb Salad)

"Cobbler is upside-down pie"

"Coca Cola went to town, Pepsi Cola shot him down"

Cocaine Importing Agency (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

"Cocaine is God's way of saying you have too much money"

Cock Rock

"Cockroaches survive nuclear war. Which means America will still have a functioning government"

Cocktail

Cocktail Conservative

Cocktail Franks (Cocktail Weiners; Cocktail Wieners; Cocktail Weenies)

Cocktail Hour

Cocktail Party

Cocktail Umbrella

Cocktailian

"Cocktails are dangerous because it just tastes like juice and then you can't walk"

"Cocktails are dangerous because it tastes like just juice and then you can't walk"

"Cocktails are dangerous because they just taste like juice and then you can't walk"

Coco Bread

Cocoanista (cocoa + fashionista)

"Coconut water tastes like water that's already been in someone's mouth"

"Coconuts are mammals because they have hair and produce milk"

CODESTINK or Code Stink (CODEPINK or Code Pink nickname)

"Coercion is not consent"

"Coercion is the central principle of all government"

"Coercion is the central principle of government"

Coexist (bumper sticker)

"Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey -- until Thanksgiving"

"Coffee -- A tasty cup of caffeinated sanity in an uncertain world"

"Coffee: A warm, delicious alternative to hating everybody every morning forever"

"Coffee: a warm, delicious alternative to hating everyone every morning forever"

"Coffee: a warm, delicious alternative to hating everyone forever"

"Coffee and friends -- A perfect blend"

"Coffee and friends are the perfect blend"

"Coffee and friends make the perfect blend"

"Coffee and friends -- The perfect blend"

"Coffee and love are best when they are hot"

"Coffee and love taste best when they are hot"

"Coffee and then the world"

"Coffee because adulting is hard"

"Coffee: Because anger management is too expensive"

"Coffee -- because bad mornings deserve a second chance"

"Coffee: Because crack is bad for you"

"Coffee: Because crack is illegal"

"Coffee: Because crack isn't allowed in the workplace"

"Coffee -- Because fuck waking up, fuck work, fuck mornings, fuck people... Mmmmmmmm coffee"

"Coffee: because hating your job should be done with enthusiasm"

"Coffee: because hating your job should be done with enthusiasm"

"Coffee...because I can count the number of hours I slept last night on one hand"

"Coffee, because Monday happens every week"

"Coffee. Because mornings. And afternoons"

"Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning"

"Coffee -- because punching people is frowned upon"

"Coffee -- because punching people is illegal"

"Coffee. Because sarcasm needs to stay hydrated"

Coffee Break

"Coffee break's over! Everyone back on your heads!" (joke)

"Coffee. Chaos. Bed. Repeat"

"Coffee. Chaos. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee. Chaos. Wine. Bed. Repeat"

"Coffee. Chaos. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee! Coffee! It’s our drink! If we don’t get it, we can’t think!"

"Coffee completes me"

"Coffee, contour and confidence"

"COFFEE: Cup OF Finest Enjoyment Ever"

"Coffee does so much for us, and all it asks for in return is for me to drink it constantly"

"Coffee does so much for us and asks for nothing in return"

"Coffee doesn't ask me stupid questions in the morning. Be like coffee"

"Coffee doesn't ask me stupid questions in the morning. Be more like coffee"

"Coffee doesn't ask me stupid questions in the morning. Try being more like coffee"

"Coffee doesn't ask silly questions. Coffee understands"

"Coffee doesn't ask stupid questions. Coffee understands"

"Coffee doesn't solve all my problems, but it stops me from creating some new ones"

"Coffee filters can be used as toilet paper, but it does change the taste of the coffee"

"Coffee first, your bullshit second"

"Coffee & Friday are my two favorite words"

"Coffee gets me started. God keeps me going"

"Coffee gives me the extra boost I need to begin a full day of talking about how tired I am"

"Coffee Grindr -- a dating app for people who are coffee gender"

"Coffee Grindr -- dating app for gay baristas"

"Coffee has a unique aroma that makes you forget how painful it is to be awake"

"Coffee has a unique aroma that makes you forget how painful it is to be awake so early"

"Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity"

"Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity"

"Coffee helps me cope with the reality of having to interact with other humans"

"Coffee helps me cope with the reality of having to interact with other people"

"Coffee helps me maintain my 'never killed anyone streak'"

"Coffee helps me person. Personing is hard without caffeine"

"Coffee helps me play nice with others"

"Coffee! If you're not shaking, you need another cup"

Coffee in the Dark (coffee without milk)

"Coffee in the morning and whiskey at night"

"Coffee in the morning and whiskey in the evening"

"Coffee in the morning. Bourbon at night"

"Coffee in the morning. Bourbon in the evening"

"Coffee is a cup of hope in a world full of chaos and Mondays"

"Coffee is a kind of magic you can drink"

"Coffee is a liquid hug for your brain"

"Coffee is a little cup of love and a day of happiness"

"Coffee is a little cup of love that brings a day of happiness"

"Coffee is an energy drink"

"Coffee is an essential part of my 'responsible grown up' disguise"

"Coffee is Friday in a cup"

"Coffee is just cocaine for poor people"

"Coffee is just dirty water"

"Coffee is just dirty water with caffeine in it"

"Coffee is just dirty water with drugs in it"

"Coffee is just goth tea"

"Coffee is just goth water"

"Coffee is just hot dirty water"

"Coffee is like a warm fireplace for the soul"

"Coffee is my duct tape. It fixes everything!"

"Coffee is my emotional support beverage"

"Coffee is my favorite co-worker"

"Coffee is my favorite co-worker"

"Coffee is my morning wine"

"Coffee is my reward for being a grown up"

"Coffee is my reward for being an adult"

"Coffee is my reward for getting out of bed"

"Coffee is my reward for sleeping"

"Coffee is my reward for waking up"

"Coffee is my second favorite plant"

"Coffee is my stress reliever"

"Coffee is my ultimate stress reliever"

"Coffee is not a beverage... It's a moment of pleasure"

"Coffee is not an option. It's an attitude"

"Coffee is not just a beverage. It's a cup of liquid sanity!"

"Coffee is not my cup of tea"

"Coffee is PG cocaine"

"Coffee is PG-13 coke"

"Coffee is proof that mornings were created for a reason"

"Coffee is really just hot bean water"

"Coffee is so popular, it’s had an entire line of tables named after it"

"Coffee is the best Monday motivation"

"Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with"

"Coffee is the gasoline of life"

"Coffee: Is the planet shaking or is it just me?"

"Coffee is the ultimate stress reliever"

"Coffee is the whiskey of the morning"

"Coffee is why I got out of bed today"

"Coffee isn't enough. I need to be struck by lightning"

"Coffee isn't enough today, I need to be struck by lightning"

"Coffee isn't helping. Get the jumper cables!"

"Coffee isn't just a beverage. It's a tasty cup of caffeinated sanity in an uncertain world"

"Coffee isn't working. Get the jumper cables!"

"Coffee: It's like allergy medicine for mornings"

"Coffee -- It's why you got out of bed today"

"Coffee: Keeping other people safe since I had my first cup"

"Coffee!! Keeping stupid people safe since I got up this morning"

"Coffee: Keeping the crazy at bay for another day"

"Coffee keeps me busy until it's time to be drunk"

"Coffee keeps me off the naughty list"

"Coffee: liquid joy juice"

"Coffee: liquid optimism"

"Coffee make brain work gooder"

"Coffee makes everything okayer"

"Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, but chocolate makes it worthwhile"

"Coffee makes me a better person"

"Coffee makes me happy. You, not so much"

"Coffee: Mother Nature's jumper cables"

"Coffee -- my hot friend I was telling you about"

"Coffee (n): an attitude adjustment in a mug"

"Coffee (n): break fluid"

"Coffee (n): survival juice"

"Coffee (n): the person upon whom one coughs"

"Coffee (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together"

"Coffee now, bourbon later"

"Coffee now comes in five sizes: small, medium, large, extra large and Monday morning"

"Coffee now, gin later"

"Coffee now, palpitate later"

"Coffee now, wine later"

"Coffee now, work later"

"Coffee now, work later"

"Coffee owns me, and I'm fine with that"

Coffee Party

Coffee Pot & Coffee Pot Canyon (Broadway)

Coffee Regular

"Coffee shops are just gas stations for people"

"Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love"

"Coffee should come in four sizes: small, medium, large and Monday"

"Coffee smells like magic and fairy tales"

"Coffee spelled backwards is 'eeffoc'"

"Coffee: starter fluid for the morning impaired"

"Coffee strong, lashes long, hustle on"

Coffee Summit

"Coffee table? Psh. Those are for people that actually put their coffee down"

"Coffee tastes better on Fridays"

"Coffee tastes better when you're wearing a cardigan"

"Coffee tastes better when you're wearing a sweater"

Coffee & Tea Festival

"Coffee, tea or me?"

"Coffee. Teach. Repeat"

"Coffee. Teach. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee: The daytime stumbling, stretching, yawning, dragging, cotton mouthed, gulping..."

"Coffee: The most important meal of the day"

"Coffee -- the vodka of morning"

"Coffee, then the world"

"Coffee & Vitamin Sea are food for the soul"

"Coffee vs. Oxygen. One is needed to survive. The other is oxygen"

"Coffee -- when your brain needs a hug"

"Coffee, Wine & Amazon Prime"

"Coffee. Wine. Bed. Repeat"

"Coffee. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee with a friend is like capturing happiness in a cup"

"Coffee with soy milk is just bean water mixed with bean water"

"Coffee without a donut is like a week without a weekend"

"Coffee without donuts is like a week without a weekend"

"Coffee. Work. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee. Yoga. Wine. Repeat"

"Coffee. Yoga. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee, you're on the bench. Alcohol, suit up!"

"Coffee... It's cheaper than a defense attorney"

Coffice (coffeehouse + office)

Cohencidence (Cohen + coincidence)

Coincideath (coincidence + death)

"Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and the pulleys"

Coincidence Lasagna/Lasagne (layers of coincidence)

Coincidence Theorist

Coinciditis (coincidence + -itis)

"Coinciditis -- Myocarditis that coincidentally only affects the vaccinated"

"Coins are made of metal, because change is hard"

Coinstipated or Coinstapated (coin + constipated)

"Coke from a bottle and Coke from a can are two different drinks"

"Coke from a can and Coke from a bottle are two different drinks"

Cold Cheese Pizza (also called "Oneonta slice")

"Cold pepperoni pizza is just shabby-chic charcuterie"

"Cold soup is just a vegetable smoothie"

"Colder than a witch's tit" (very cold)

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage (coleslaw joke)

Coliseum Books (not near the departed Coliseum)

"Collapse/Fall/Fold faster than Lehman Brothers"

Collapsing News Network (CNN nickname)

"Collared greens are just well dressed vegetables"

"Collect moments, not things"

"Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery"

"College bookstores are like the GameStop of textbooks"

"College is a constant struggle of if I should eat, sleep, cry, study, or workout"

"College is a fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink"

"College is just the most expensive book club"

"College is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane"

"College is soup and I am a fork"

"College is the new indentured servitude"

"College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable"

"College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back"

College of Cardinals (Appropriations Committee nickname)

College Pointer (inhabitant of College Point, Queens)

"College prepares you for real life right away. It puts you in debt"

"College -- The most expensive party I've ever been to"

"College Years: The only vacation a boy gets between his mother and his wife"

Colleywood (Colleyville nickname)

Collusion News Network (CNN nickname)

Collyer brothers (hermits)

Colorado: "Where do crayons go on vacation?"/"Colorado."

Colonel Sanchez (KFC/Colonel Sanders + Taco Bell)

"Colonel Sanders chicken recipe has been kept more secure than US classified documents"

Colorado: "I wonder if colorblind people read Colorado as just 'ado'"

Colorado Kool-Aid (Coors beer, from Colorado)

Colorado Rib Steak

Colorado: Rover (nickname)

Colored People's Time (CP Time or CPT)

Colostomy Pie (Frito Pie nickname)

"Colt: The original point and click interface"

"Colton's Steak House is a poor man's Texas Roadhouse"

Columbia University's Alma Mater (Mary Lawton, model)

Columny (calumny from a columnist)

Colyumist (Columnist)

Comal

"Come as you are in the family car" (drive-in slogan)

Come Back Again (Continental Basketball Association or CBA nickname)

"Come Early; Be Loud; Stay Late" (Longhorns slogan)

"Come for the food. Stay for the fun"

Come-Here-Naughty (Comirnaty vaccine nickname)

"Come in. We are awesome" (store sign)

"Come in, we're awesome" (store sign)

"Come in, we're open and awesome" (store sign)

Come Late And Start Sleeping ("class" backronym)

"Come on, admit it... you've had tongue sex with a Twinkie at least once"

"Come on ice cream!" (post-jalapeño-eating saying)

Come On Let's Love Each Girl Equally ("college" backronym)

"Come on up and I'll show you my etchings" (sexual trope)

"Come on Vacation, Leave on Probation"

"Come sit on the porch with me. The drinks are cold & the friendship's free"

"Come-to-Jesus" Meeting

"Come to the dark side. We have cookies"

"Come to the nerd side. We have Pi"

"Come to the nerd side. We have Pi"

Comeback Sauce (Come Back Sauce; Cumback Sauce; Kumback Sauce; Kumbak Sauce)

"Comedy doesn't travel well"

"Comedy is a serious business" (theatre adage)

"Comedy is tragedy plus time" (theatre adage)

"Comes the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!"

Comexodus (Comex + exodus)

Comfort Food

"The job of the newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable"

COMING SOON!

"Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success"

Commercial Emporium

"Commercials for prescription drugs would be better if the actors had to act out the side effects"

Commiecrat (commie + Democrat)

"Commit to be fit"

"Committee work is like a soft chair -- easy to get into but hard to get out of"

"Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do work"

Common Man's Metal (silver nickname)

Common Sense Caucus (Caucus of Common Sense)

"Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden"

"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it"

"Common sense is like deodorant. Those who need it most never use it"

"Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done"

"Common sense should reveal the absolute absurdity of what is happening in the world right now"

"Communion wine should always be full-bodied"

"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff"

"Communism: Ideas so good they have to be mandatory"

"Communism is the opiate of the intellectuals"

"Communism is when ugly deformed freaks make it illegal to be normal then rob and/or kill all successful people..."

"Communism: You masked for it"

Communist Broadcasting Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

Communist Core (Communist + Common Core)

Communist News Network (CNN nickname)

Communist News Network (CNN nickname)

"Communists aren't people. They're state property"

Community Emergency Response Team (CERT)

"Commuting is just sitting in a moving waiting room"

Compact of Fifth Avenue (Pact of Fifth Avenue)

Compact of Fifth Avenue (Pact of Fifth Avenue)

Compañera; Compañero

"Comparing apples and oranges"

"Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in men"

"Competition is a sin" (Rockefeller?)

Competitive Eating Contests

Complete Bull Shit (CBS nickname)

"Completely misunderstood pride month. Who wants to buy 15 lions?"

Complicity Theorist

Compost Cookie

"Computer: An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities"

"Computers can do more work than people because they never have to stop and answer the phone"

"Computers were down at work. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire"

Comstockery

Con Dead (nickname for a Con Ed power failure)

Con Ed or Con Edison (Consolidated Edison)

Con-a-sewer (connoisseur)

"Conceive - Believe - Achieve"

Conchas (Mexican shell-shaped pastries)

Concorde Hotel (Radisson Martinique on Broadway)

Concourse Crawler or Concourse Creeper (C or CC subway line)

Concrete City (Seguin nickname)

Concrete or Blizzard (frozen dessert)

Condé Nasty (Condé Nast nickname)

"Condense soup, not books"

Condensed Milk (Borden's Eagle Brand)

"Condiments are makeup for food"

Condo Coast

Condoburg (condominium + Williamsburg)

Condominium/Condo/Condomini

"Condoms prevent minivans"

"Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion"

Condop (condominium + cooperative)

Condotel (condo + hotel)

Conehead (SNL sketch and movie; Mets/Yankees pitcher David Cone; Con Ed workers)

"Coney Island Bloodhounds" (hot dogs) & "A Midget from Harlem" (small chocolate soda)

Coney Island Butter (mustard)

Coney Island Chicken (hot dog)

Coney Island (Coney; Coney Dog)

Coney Island whitefish

Coney Island's Fifth Avenue (Riegelmann Boardwalk)

Coney Sauce (Coney Island Sauce; Hot Dog Sauce)

"Confectioners' sugar is the glitter of the baking world"

Confederate Heroes Day

"Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you"

"Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud"

"Confidence is the companion of success"

"Confidence is the feeling you have before you fully understand the situation"

"Confidence is the key. If you don't believe in yourself, then nobody will"

Confidence Man

"Conformity is doing what everybody else is doing, regardless of what is right"

"Confucius say: Baseball very funny game -- man with 4 balls no can walk!"

"Confucius say: Baseball very funny game -- man with four balls no can walk!"

"Confucius say: Baseball very strange game. How can man with 4 balls walk?"

"Confucius say: Baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk"

"Confucius say: Baseball wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk"

"Confucius say: Man who drive like hell bound to get there"

"Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have crappy time"

"Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time"

"Confucius Say -- Student who study history, will find there is no future in it"

Confungry (confused + hungry)

"Confused as a cow on AstroTurf" (or, "Confused as a goat on AstroTurf")

"Confused people don't buy" (marketing adage)

"Confused sultana scone seeks raisin d'être"

"Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs"

"Congress: A man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees"

"Congress is good at only two things -- doing nothing and overreacting"

"Congress is like 2 drunks arguing the bar bill on the Titanic"

"Congress is the only whorehouse that loses money"

"Congress opened with a prayer and closed with a probe"

Congresscriminal (Congress + criminal)

Congresscritter (Congress + critter)

Congressional Effect

Congressmoron (Congressman + moron)

Congresspuke (Congress + puke)

Congross (Congress + gross)

"Conjunctivitis.com -- that's a site for sore eyes"

Conjunto

Connecticut: Freestone State (nickname)

Connecticut: Land of Steady Habits (nickname)

Connecticut: Nutmeg State (nickname)

Conned-sumer (conned + consumer)

"Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee"

Conscience of the Congress (Congressional Black Caucus moniker)

Conservadem (conservative Democrat)

Conservatard (conservative + retard)

"Conservatism is progressivism driving the speed limit"

Conservative Spring Break (Conservative Political Action Conference or CPAC nickname)

"Conservatives are progressives driving the speed limit"

"Conservatives believe life begins at conception and ends at birth"

"Conservatives get the rhetoric; liberals get the action"

"Conservatives think liberals are stupid; liberals think conservatives are evil" (Krauthammer's Law)

Conservatoid (conservative + -oid)

"Conserve Texas water -- Drink Texas wine"

Conspiracy Fact

Conspiracy Nut

"Conspiracy theories are like moon landings. They're all fake"

"Conspiracy Theorist: A person who doesn't watch as much TV as you do"

"Conspiracy Theorist: A person who researches a subject and then uses logic..."

"Conspiracy theorist: A term to discredit those who have seen through the bullshit"

"Conspiracy Theorist: Nothing more than a derogatory title used to dismiss a critical thinker"

"Conspiracy Theorist: Someone who questions the statements of known liars"

Conspiracy Theorist Starter Pack (a brain)

"Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they've been planted by a secret organization"

"Conspiracy theorists are just people capable of pattern recognition"

"Conspiracy theorists, otherwise known as people capable of pattern recognition"

Conspiracy Theory

Conspiranoid (conspiracy + paranoid)

Conspiratainment (conspiracy + entertainment)

Conspiratard (conspiracy + retard)

Conspiravirus (conspiracy + coronavirus)

Conspirazoid (conspiracy + schizoid)

Constant Bull Shit (CBS nickname)

Constitutional Carry

"Consulting: If you're not part of the solution, there's good money in prolonging the problem"

"Consumers are statistics; customers are people"

"CONTAGIOUS in a sentence: it will take the CONTAGIOUS to finish painting her house with a brush"

"Contaminated cheese is kept in solid dairy confinement"

Contango

Contextual Zoning

"Continental breakfast implies the existence of incontinental breakfast"

"Continental breakfasts should be served on tectonic plates"

Contingent Convertible (CoCo)

Control Oppress Victimize Isolate Divide (COVID backronym)

"Control the controllables" (business adage)

Controlavirus (control + coronavirus)

Controligarch (control + oligarch)

Controligarchy (control + oligarchy)

Controllavirus (control + coronavirus)

Conundrum Supper

Convention City (New Orleans nickname)

Conventional Wisdom

"Conversation is a two-way street" (adage)

Conveyor Belt of Wall Street (Wharton School nickname)

Convict Alley (Lexington Avenue, between 119th and 126th streets)

Convid (con + COVID-19)

CovidCon

Cook-Off (Cookoff)

"Cooked food smells great, but if a person smells like cooked food they don't smell great"

"Cooked to perfection" ("seasoned to perfection," "grilled to perfection")

"Cookie dough is the sushi of desserts"

Cookies and Cream (Cookies 'n Cream; Cookies 'n Creme)

Cookies and Privacy Policies for BarryPopik.com

"COOKING HACK: if you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there"

"Cooking is an art, baking is a science"

"Cooking is like golf. You slice it, chip it, and put it on some greens"

"Cooking is like golf. You slice it, chip it, and put it on some greens"

"Cooking is love made visible"

"Cooking Rule: If at first you don't succeed, order pizza"

"Cooking shows and vlogs never show the part where they have to clean up all the pots and pans"

"Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out"

"Cool beans" (slang)

Coonass (Coon-ass)

Cooperstown: Birthplace of Baseball (nickname)

Coors Field East or Coors East (New Yankee Stadium nickname)

Coosie (or Cocinero)

Cooter Brown ("as drunk as Cooter Brown")

Cop ("copper" badge myth)

Cop Killa Queenz (Queens)

"Cop: You're going to prison for forgery. Me (slides him a 37 dollar bill): What about now?"

"Copacabana (At the Copa)" (1978)

Copaganda (cop + propaganda)

"Copper is the only commodity with a Ph.D. in economics" (Wall Street adage)

"Copper wire was invented by two Jews/ Scots/ Irish/ Dutch/ lawyers fighting over the same penny"

Copperhead (Civil War nickname)

"Cops are like a box of chocolates. They'll kill your dog"

"Cops can't take your drugs if you take them first"

"Core elation is not causation" (joke)

Cork

Corkage (Corkage Fee; Corkage Money)

Corking (bicycle-caused gridlock)

"Corks are for quitters"

Corn Chip (Fritos)

Corn Dog (or Corndog or Corny Dog)

Corn Dog Shrimp (Corndog Shrimp)

"Corn dogs are just meat lollipops"

"Corn dogs are just meat popsicles"

"Corn dogs are just meat Twinkies"

"Corn dogs imply the existence of corn cats"

"Corn is a speedometer for your digestive system"

"Corn is just reverse pomegranate"

"Corn is the tracer bullet of the digestive system"

"Corn makes whiskey. Wheat makes beer. Grapes make wine. Potatoes make vodka..."

Corn Night (October 30th)

"Corn on the cob is just ribs for vegetarians"

"Cornbread ain't done in the middle" (stupid)

"Corndogs imply the existence of corncats"

Corned Beef and Cabbage (Jiggs dinner)

"Corner stores really watch kids grow from soda & chips to blunts & alcohol"

"Corner stores really watch kids grow from soda & chips to condoms & alcohol"

"Cornerbacks need short memories" (football adage)

Cornicione (end crust of a pizza)

Corning: Crystal City (nickname)

Cornteen (quarantine)

Corona Disinformation Center (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Corona is an anagram of racoon" (raccoon, as in Resident Evil's Raccoon City)

"Corona virus explained in craft terms: You and 9 friends are crafting. 1 is using glitter"

Coronacoinage (coronavirus + coinage)

Coronadult (coronavirus + adult)

Coronadulting (coronavirus + adulting)

Coronagate (coronavirus + -gate)

Coronageddon (coronavirus + Armageddon)

Coronapocalypse (coronavirus + apocalypse)

Coronatarian (coronavirus + authoritarian)

Coronatarian (coronavirus + vegetarian)

"Coronavirus & allergy season: I don’t know if I should buy Zyrtec or turn myself in to the CDC"

"Coronavirus be canceling everything but my bills"

Coronavirus Disinformation Center (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Coronavirus is a poor man's virus"

"Coronavirus is a poor person’s virus"

"Coronavirus is canceling everything but my bills"

"Coronavirus is like pasta. Made by Chinese. Spread by Italians. Supersized by Americans"

"Coronavirus is to be re-named the Schrodinger Virus" (joke)

"Coronavirus must come from the Corunna region of Indiana, otherwise it's just sparkling Covid-19"

"Coronavirus porn is going viral on PornHub. What a bunch of sick fucks"

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 1

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 2

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 3

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 4

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 5

"Coronavirus, the flu, and a common cold walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

Coronawirus or Corona Wirus (variant pronunciation of “coronavirus")

Coronial (someone conceived during the time of the coronavirus)

Corpitoz (Corpus Christi nickname)

Corporat or CorpoRat (corporate/corporation + rat)

Corporate Challenge

Corporate Comedian

Corporate News Network (CNN nickname)

"Corporations are not people. Money is not free speech"

"Corporations can buy unfair favors from government...because government has unfair favors to sell"

Corporatocracy (corporation + democracy)

Corpse (unintended and uncontrolled laughter on stage)

Corpus Christian (inhabitant of Corpus Christi)

Corruptican or Corrupticon

Corrupticut (corrupt + Connecticut)

Corruptocrat (corrupt bureaucrat); Corruptocracy

Corsicanan (inhabitant of Corsicana)

Cortland: Crown City (nickname)

Corzined

Cosmic Cowboy (cocktail and song)

Cosmopolitan (cocktail)

Cosmoquila (cocktail)

Cosmos (professional soccer team, 1971-1985)

"Cost an arm and a leg" (at a great cost; expensive)

Cost of Living

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of cabin cheese"

"Cottage cheese implies shanty, apartment, condo & mansion cheese exist"

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of bungalow cheese"

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of mansion cheese"

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of other building themed cheeses"

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of skyscraper cheese"

Cottage Fries (Cottage Fried Potatoes)

Cotton Belt Route (Cottonbelt Trail)

Cotton Candy (Candy Floss; Fairy Floss)

"Cotton candy -- like eating a clown's ghost"

Cotton-Eyed Joe (Cotton-Eye Joe)

Cotton-pickin' Minute (Cotton-picking Minute)

Cottonest City in the World (Lubbock slogan)

COTUS (Cat Of The United States)

COTUS (Constitution Of The United States)

"Coughing in public is the new speaking Arabic at airports"

"Coughs and sneezes spread diseases"

"Could anyone give me a fern? (Asking for a frond)"

"Could Blazing Saddles be made today? No. It’s hard to make a film in a day"

"Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy"

"Could you toast some bread?"/(raises wine glass) "Here's to bread!"

"Couldn't believe dad stole from his road worker job. But when I got home, all the signs were there"

"Count that day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no additional taxes"

"Count the memories, not the calories"

"Count your blessings instead of your crosses" (Thanksgiving poem)

"Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms"

Countdown City or 210 (San Antonio nickname)

Counterfeit Alley (Canal Street & Midtown Manhattan)

Counterfeit News Network (CNN nickname)

Counterfeit Triangle (Canal Street area)

Counterfeitess

Countermoonbat

"Counting past 39 is not my forte"

"Counting past thirty-nine is not my forte"

"Countries don't go bust"

"Country as cornbread" ("Country as corn bread")

"Country as cornflakes" ("Country as corn flakes")

Country Club Precinct (Police Precincts #100 and #112 in Queens)

Country Club Republican (Country Club Conservative)

"Country music is just farm emo"

"Country music is just land shanties"

County Attorney or District Attorney (son-of-a-gun stew)

"Couples have Valentine's Day. Singles have Palm Sunday"

"Courage doesn't mean you don't get afraid. Courage means you don't let fear stop you"

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers"

"Courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same"

"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death"

"Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount"

Court of Public Opinion

"Courtesy Counts: Manners Make a Better Ride" (bus and subway slogan)

Courtesy - Professionalism - Respect (CPR)

"Courtesy, Service, Protection" (Texas Department of Public Safety motto)

Cousin Sally Ann (Confederate States of America)

Coveard (COVID-19/coronavirus + beard)

Covenant House and Nineline (800-999-9999)

Cover Jinx

Covert Operation Via Infectious Disease (COVID-19 backronym)

Covert Operation Viral Infectious Disease (COVID-19 backronym)

"COVID-19, the flu, and a common cold walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

Covid Clown World

Covid Death Cult (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Covid Disinformation Center (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Covid Gate (COVID-19 + -gate)

"Covid has been found circulating on Norwegian currency. It's the Kroner virus"

"COVID spelled backwards is DIVOC. What DIVOC is going on?"

"Covid19 Facts: The virus can travel 6'. It cannot travel 6'1" or more..." (joke)

"COVID-19 hit during allergy season. I can't tell if I have 5 days to live or need to take Claritin"

"Covid-19 is like eating raw cookie dough... We know the risk. now let us live our lives"

"Covid-19. It started as a virus and has mutated into an IQ test"

"Covid 19 should be re-named the ‘Common Core Virus’ because shit just ain't adding up"

"Covid-19 should be renamed COTTON EYE JOE (where did it come from, where did it go)"

"COVID-19 & the flu are like Superman & Clark Kent. You never see them in the same room..."

COVID-1984 (COVID-19 + Nineteen Eighty-Four)

COVID-911 (COVID-19 + 9/11)

Covidian (Covid + -ian)

Covidification

Covidiocracy (COVID-19 + idiocracy)

Covidiot (COVID-19 + idiot)

Covidiotic (COVID-19 + idiotic)

"Cow meat is Beef, pig meat is Pork, deer meat is Venison, but chicken meat is Chicken"

"Cow milk is for baby cows. Human milk is for baby humans. Almond milk is for baby almonds"

Cow Patty Bingo (Cow Chip Bingo; Cowpie Bingo; Bovine Bingo: Bossy Bingo; Fertilizer Lottery)

"Cowards never start; the weak never finish; winners never quit"

Cowboy Beans

Cowboy Bloody Mary (cocktail)

Cowboy Boots

Cowboy Cadillac (pickup truck or other open-back vehicle)

Cowboy Capital of the World (Bandera)

Cowboy Caviar (bean dip)

Cowboy Christmas (July rodeo season)

Cowboy Cocktail (whiskey)

Cowboy Coffee

Cowboy Cookies (Laura Bush's Governor's Mansion Cowboy Cookies)

Cowboy Cool

Cowboy Cut (Cowboy Ribeye Steak; Cowboy Rib Steak)

Cowboy Cut (jeans)

Cowboy NASCAR (chuck wagon races)

Cowboy (or Cow Boy)

Cowboy Philosopher

Cowboy Roux (Water Roux)

"Cowboy Up"

Cowboy Way (cowboy tradition; Dallas Cowboys tradition)

Cowboys and Culture (Fort Worth slogan)

"Cowboys can never be accountants because all they do is round up"

Cowboys Cathedral or Cathedral of Football (Dallas Cowboys Stadium in Arlington)

Cowboys Classic (college football game)

"Cowboys don’t roll joints. They tumble weed"

"Cowboys don't take baths -- they just dust off"

"Cowboys go 'yee haw' and ninjas go 'hee yaw'"

"Cowboys: Scrape shit from boots before entering" (sign)

Cowboy's Ten Commandments (Cross Trails Church, Fairlie, TX)

Cowgirl (or Cow Girl)

Cowgirls (Dallas Cowboys nickname)

"Cowgirls Rule" (from earlier "Girls Rule, Boys Drool")

"Coworker: Why do you call everyone 'fucker'? Me: It's gender neutral."

"Co-workers are like Christmas lights. Half of them don’t work; the other half aren’t bright"

Cowpoke (or Cow Poke)

Cowpuncher (or Cow Puncher)

"Cows eat grass. Therefore, steak is plant-based meat"

Cowtown (Fort Worth nickname)

Cowtown Wolf Turds (bacon-wrapped stuffed jalapeños)

Coyotas

Coyote Tail (tortilla-wrapped deep-fried hot dog)

Coyotes ("wolves of the border" immigration smugglers)

"CPR is just the human version of blowing into a video game cartridge hoping it'll work again"

CRAAPL (crap + Apple Inc. or AAPL)

Crab Crunch (River Project of Hudson River Foundation)

Crab Imperial

Crab Rangoon

Crabmeat Dewey or Crab Meat Dewey (Crab Meat a la Dewey)

Crabmeat Remick (Crab Meat Remick)

Crack Hill (Park Hill, Staten Island)

Crack Is Wack

Crack Pie

Crackberry (Pinkberry nickname)

"Cracked windows are a pane in the glass"

Cracker Barrel (Cracker Barrel Philosopher/Philosophy)

Cracker Barrel Humor

Cracker Barrel Humorist

Cracker Barrel Philosopher

Cracker Barrel Philosophy

Cracker Jack (Crackerjack)

"Crackers are just bread jerky"

Cradle of Texas Independence (San Augustine nickname)

Cradle of Texas Liberty (Alamo/San Antonio nickname)

CRAFT Disease or CRAFT Moment (Can't Remember A Fucking Thing)

Cragel (croissant + bagel)

"Cranberry juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol but it’s too shy"

"Cranberry juice tastes like it doesn't wanna be wet"

"Cranberry juice tastes like it doesn’t want to be wet"

"Cranberry juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol but it’s too shy"

"Crank up that A.C. till it's blowing snowballs" (very hot)

Crap Metro (Cap Metro nickname)

Crap Not News (CNN nickname)

Crap Sandwich

CrapChute (BitChute nickname)

Crapco (Costco nickname)

Crapital One (Capital One nickname)

Crapitalism (crap + capitalism); Crapitalist (crap + capitalist)

Crapper Barrel (Cracker Barrel nickname)

Crapplebee's (Applebee's nickname)

Crappuccino (crap + cappuccino)

Craptopia (crap + utopia)

Crapweasel (Crap Weasel)

"Crash for cash" (auto insurance fraud)

Crashiversary (crash + anniversary)

"Crawdaddy implies the existence of a crawmommy"

"Crawdads imply the existence of crawmoms"

Crawfish Capital of Texas (Mauriceville nickname)

Crawfish Taco

Crawfish Town (New Orleans nickname)

Crawl and Stall (Stall and Crawl)

Crawmom (crawdad + mom; a female crayfish)

"Crayons are a lot like M&M's. All the colors taste the same"

"Crazy as a peach orchard boar" ("Madder than a peach orchard boar")

Crazy Basketball Association (Continental Basketball Association or CBA nickname)

"Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates. They'll kill your dog"

"Crazy fact #274: Eating 3 pizzas a day is more healthy for you than being dead"

Crazy Milkshake

Crazy Rasberry Ant (Rasberry Ant; Crazy Ant; Caribbean Crazy Ant)

"Crazy times we are living in. I used to cough to hide a fart. Now I fart to hide a cough"

"Cream cheese is a poor man's brie"

Cream City (Milwaukee nickname)

Cream Gravy

Cream Soda

"Cream soup is just a warm vegetable smoothie"

"Creamy peanut butter implies the existence of squirty peanut butter"

"Create! Don't hate" ("Don't hate. Create")

"Creationists don't believe in science. They think 'The Flintstones' is a documentary"

"Creativity is intelligence having fun"

"Creativity is the residue of time wasted" (Einstein?)

"Credit anticipates and equity confirms"

Creditopia (credit + utopia)

Creepers & Infiltrators (urban explorers)

Creepocrat (Creep-o-crat)

Creepublican (creep + Republican)

"Cremation: my last chance to have a smokin' hot body"

"Crème brûlée is just French flan"

Crème Brûlée on a Stick (toasted marshmallows or Peeps)

Creole City (New Orleans nickname)

Crepesadilla (crepe + quesadilla)

Crescent City (Evansville, Indiana nickname)

Crescent City (New Orleans nickname)

Crescent News Network (CNN nickname)

Crew Gardens (Kew Gardens)

"Cricket is a batsman's game"

"Cricket is a game of glorious uncertainties"

"Cricket is an uncertain game"

"Cricket is basically baseball on Valium"

Crickets or Crickets Chirping (silence)

"Crime does not pay...as well as politics"

Crime Heights (Crown Heights, Brooklyn)

"Crime in multi-story car parks is wrong on so many levels"

"Crime in New York is really serious. The Statue of Liberty had both hands up"

"Crime in New York is really serious. The Statue of Liberty had both hands up"

Crime Square or Crimes Square (crime + Times Square)

Crime Stoppers (577-TIPS); 267-RAPE; 374-DRUG; NYC-SAFE; COP-SHOT & more

"Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it"

Crimerica (crime + America; Primerica nickname)

"Crimes conceived in hell don't have angels as witnesses"

CRIMEX (COMEX nickname)

Criminal Disinformation Center (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Criminal Front Group Media Matters (Media Matters nickname)

"Criminal Law: See bad people at their best; Family Law: See good people at their worst"

Criminal News Network (CNN nickname)

Criminal On Patrol ("cop" backronym)

Criminal Reserve (Federal Reserve nickname)

Criminalgo (criminal + algo)

"Criminalized Onions" ("caramelized" mistake)

Criminally Negligent News (CNN nickname)

"Criminals obey 'gun control' laws in the same manner politicians follow their oaths of office"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians follow their oath of office"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians follow their oaths of office"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians keep promises"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians obey their oath of offfice"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians obey their oaths of office"

Crisis Commodity (gold)

Criss-Cross Applesauce

"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem"

"Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise"

Croak and Choke (insurance)

Crockettite (inhabitant of Crockett)

Croffle (croissant + waffle)

Crogel (croissant + bagel)

"Croissants are just biscuits that studied abroad"

Cromnibus (continuing resolution + omnibus)

Cronut (croissant + doughnut)

Crony Capitalism

Crookie (croissant + cookie)

Crooklyn

Crooks In Action (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Croque Monsieur (Croque Madame)

"Croquet is a wonderful game if you've got the balls for it"

"Croquettes are just very fancy nuggets"

"Croquettes are just nuggets that went to France"

"Croquettes are the adult chicken nuggets"

"Croquettes are the French word for chicken nuggets"

Cross at the green, not in between

Cross-Roads of the World

Crossing Guard

Crossword Puzzle

Croton cocktail, highball (Croton Aqueduct water)

Croutoff (crouton + off)

"Croutons are just big bread crumbs"

"Crouton. ???????? ???????? Croutoff. ???????? ???????? Crouton. Croutoff. The Salad"

"Croutons are just bread jerky"

"Croutons are just mini garlic bread"

"Croutons are just mini garlic breads"

"Croutons are just stale garlic bread"

"Croutons are the Lucky Charms marshmallows of salad"

"Croutons imply the existence of croutoffs"

"Croutons in salad are the adult version of marshmallows in Lucky Charms"

Crowded Trade

"Crowded with happy patrons, a dangling modifier walks into a bar" (bar joke)

Crowler (can + growler)

Crown Heightser (inhabitant of Crown Heights, Brooklyn)

Crown Jewel of Park Slope (Montauk Club)

Crown Jewel of Socialism (government-run healthcare)

Crown Jewel of the Bronx (New York Botanical Garden)

Crown Jewel of Wall Street (40 Wall Street)

Crozel (croissant + pretzel)

CRS Disease (Can't Remember Shit)

Cruffin (croissant + muffin)

Crumb-bum

Crumblin' (Crumble-In)

Crumbs Along the Mohawk (ice cream flavor)

Crumbtard (crumb + retard)

Crun (croissant + cinnamon bun)

"Crunchy peanut butter is just peanut butter with pulp"

Crunkcake (crunk/drunk + cupcake)

"Crushed ice is just pulp for water"

"Crusher to rusher to usher" (hockey adage)

Crushtomer (crush + customer)

"Crust is bread armor"

"Cry calf rope" (or "Holler calf rope" or "Yell calf rope")

"Cry me a river. Build a bridge. Get over it"

Cryanair or Cryinair or CryingAir (Ryanair nickname)

Cryboys (Dallas Cowboys nickname)

Crybully (crybaby + bully)

Cryinair or Cryanair or CryingAir (Ryanair nickname)

"Crying all the way to the bank" ("Laughing all the way to the bank")

CryingAir or Cryanair or Cryinair (Ryanair nickname)

Cryptocalypse or Cryptopocalypse (crypto + apocalypse)

Crystal District

CSR (Complete Symphonic Recording)

CTFK (Catch The Falling Knife)

"Ctrl + Alt + Delete my belly fat"

"CTRL + ALT + DEL. Control yourself. Alter your thinking. Delete negativity"

Cuban Hamburger (Frita)

Cuban Sandwich; Medianoche Sandwich

Cube Steak

"Cubicle sweet cubicle"

Cuchifrito

Cuckservative (cuckolded + conservative)

"Cucumber is the watermelon of the vegetable world"

"Cucumbers are just baby watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just crunchy water"

"Cucumbers are just diet watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just savory watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just savoury watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just tasteless watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just unsweetened watermelons"

"Cucumbers are the watermelons of vegetables"

Cuernos (Mexican horn-shaped pastries)

Culinary Alley

Culinology (culinary + technology)

"Cultivated mind is the guardian genius of Democracy" (Mirabeau B. Lamar; UT motto)

Cultural Marxist Media (CMM)

"Culture eats strategy for breakfast"

CultureFest

CUNY (City University of New York)

Cuomo Chips (chips that allow bars to stay open under NY Gov. Cuomo)

Cuomo Nepotism Network (CNN nickname)

Cuomo Nepotism Network (CNN nickname)

Cuomo News Network (CNN nickname)

Cuomo News Network (CNN nickname)

Cup Cake (Cupcake)

"Cup of Fuckoffee: 1 splash of no one cares. A dash of kiss my ass. Add some fuck yous"

"Cup of tea" (a preference)

"Cup of tea" (a preference; frequently said of the tea party)

"Cup one is so I can get stuff done. Cup two is so I will be nice to you. Cup three is all for me"

Cupcakery (cupcake + bakery)

"Cupcakes are just frosted muffins"

"Cupcakes are just muffins that found the right Instagram filter"

"Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles"

Cupset (World Cup + upset)

Cuptail (cupcake + cocktail)

Curate's Assistant (muffin/cake stand)

Curb Exchange

"Curb Your Dog" and Pooper Scooper Law (1978)

Curbstone Broker

"Curls for the girls" (weightlifting saying)

Curly Fries (Curly French Fries; Suzy-Q Potatoes)

"Curly fries imply the existence of Moe and Larry fries"

"Curly fries should be called 'rotatoes'"

Currency of Last Resort (gold nickname)

"Currently standing in front of my pantry eating a 'temporary' snack..."

"Currently stuck at an auction bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. In it for the long hall"

Curry Hill (curry + Murray Hill)

"Curry OK?"/"Sorry, I hate singing in public." (karaoke joke)

"Curry OK?"/"Sorry, I hate singing in public." (karaoke joke)

"Curry OK?"/"Sorry, I hate singing in public." (karaoke joke)

Curse of the Bambino

"Cursing: There is only one bad word, taxes. Any other word that is good enough for sailors..."

"Cursing: There's only one bad word: taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors..."

Curtain Call

Curtido (Salvadoran Cabbage Salad)

"Customer: I have a question about my account. Teller: Withdrawal?" (joke)

"Customer Service: How does your name appear on your credit card?" (joke)

"Customer service is not a department, it’s an attitude"

"Cut a newsman and he bleeds ink"

"Cut-off low, weatherman's woe"

"Cut the mustard"

"Cut thin to win" (card-cutter's axiom)

"Cut up like boarding house pie" (many small pieces)

"Cut war, not welfare"

"Cut your losses and let your profits run" (Wall Street proverb)

Cutchogue: "Sunniest Place in New York State" (slogan)

CutGo (cut-as-you-go)

Cutlery, Pokelery, Scooplery (knives, forks, spoons)

Cutlery, Stablery, Scooplery (knives, forks, spoons)

"Cuts for the sluts" (weightlifting saying)

"Cyber Monday -- The one time a year that people look forward to Monday mornings"

Cyclones (Brooklyn baseball team)

Cycologist (someone who rides or repairs bicycles)

Cycologist (spinning instructor)

Cycology (study of bicycles)

Cyprus Virus

Cyprused or Cyprussed (to have bank accounts taken)

Czechxas (Czech + Texas)

Czexit (Czech Republic + exit)