"Y" (Chicago Municipal Device)

"Y did the chicken X the road? Solve for Y"

Ya-ka-mein

Yachtzee (yacht + Yahtzee)

"Yada, Yada, Yada" ("Yadda, Yadda, Yadda"; "Yatata, Yatata, Yatata")

YAI Central Park Challenge

Yaka Mein

Yakisoba (Japanese stir-fried noodles)

Yakitori (Japanese skewered chicken)

Yale (cocktail)

Y'all

"Y'all better eat the damn black eyed peas this year!"

"Y’all even ask cauliflower if they wanna be all these things?"

"Y’all ever notice that the Washington Monument looks absolutely NOTHING like George Washington??"

"Y'all ever tried driving the speed limit and thought they can't be serious"

"Y’all ever tried going the speed limit and thought they can’t be serious????"

"Y’all ever try to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so bystanders don’t hear you..."

"Y'all knew summer was coming and y'all just kept eating"

"Y'all know what's never been recalled because of E-coli? Wine"

Y'all Mahal (Dallas Cowboys Stadium in Arlington)

"Y'all went from sheep to lab rats"

YallQaeda or Y'all Qaeda (y'all + al-Qaeda)

Yamboree

Yankee Bond

Yankee Burger (hamburger with ketchup)

Yankee Dime (a kiss)

"Yankee, go home!"

Yankee Stadium Big Boy (Mike's Deli sandwich)

Yankee Stadium was the first "stadium" (myth)

Yankees (American League baseball team)

Yankees of Chess (Hunter College Campus Schools & Murrow HS)

Yankees (Staten Island baseball team); Baby Bombers

Yannigan

Yappian Way (Broadway)

Yaptown-on-the-Hudson

Yashkin Street (Orchard Street)

"Yawning is your body's way of saying 20% battery remaining"

"Yay, it's Friday! Oh wait, I'm a realtor"

"'Yay! It's the weekend!' Said nobody who works in a restaurant"

"Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad"

"Yea, I'm in a cult. We brainwash people to think for themselves"

"Yeah. I'm down for a two party system, the party and the after party"

"Years ago, we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs" (joke)

"Years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash" (joke)

"Yeast breads are made from fungus farts"

"Yeast makes bread fluffy by eating sugar and filling it with fungus farts"

Yeehaw (Yee-ha; Yee-haw)

Yeehawd (yeehaw + jihad); Yeehawdist (yeehaw + jihadist)

Yellen Call or Yellen Covered Call

Yellow Blanket on a Dead Cow (cheeseburger)

Yellow Brick Brewery (old Metropolitan Opera House at 39th Street)

Yellow Dog or Yellow Dawg or Yaller Dawg (gold nickname)

Yellow Journalism

Yellow Knight

Yellow Velvet (corn and squash dish)

Yelper (Yelp user); Anti-Yelp (Taste Savant nickname)

Yentervention (Yen + intervention)

"Yes, break-ups suck, but have you ever left your to-go box on the table at a restaurant?"

"Yes, but I still love you more than I love basketball" (sports joke)

"Yes. I'd like to report some people not living in fear"

"Yes, it is."/"Is time travel possible?"

Yes Man

Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up ("U.S. Army" backronym, backwards)

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

"Yes! We Have No Bananas"

"YESSSSS!"

"Yesterday, a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester"

"Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday"

"Yesterday I wanted coffee. Now I'm drinking coffee. Follow your dreams, people"

"Yesterday is a canceled check; tomorrow is a promissory note"

"Yesterday's eyeliner can be today's smokey eye if you just believe in yourself"

"Yesterday's meatloaf is tomorrow's sloppy joe"

Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle ("Yahoo!" backronym)

Yiddish Broadway or Yiddish Rialto (Second Avenue in Manhattan)

YIMBY (Yes In My Back Yard)

Yippie

"Yttrium barium copper oxide walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?" (joke)

"Yo mama is like groceries during a pandemic -- available for curbside pickup"

"Yo mama is so dark, she went to night school and was marked absent"

"Yo mama is so dumb, she passed by the YMCA and said hey, they spelled MACYs wrong"

"Yo mama is so dumb, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball"

"Yo mama is so dumb, she uses Old Spice for cooking"

"Yo' mama is so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon"

"Yo mama is so fat, her alphabet starts with O. OBCD"

"Yo mama is so fat, people jog around her for exercise"

"Yo mama is so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks"

"Yo mama is so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, `OK!'"

"Yo mama is so fat, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops"

"Yo mama is so fat, the government cancelled her for being a mass gathering"

"Yo mama is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house"

"Yo mama is so fat, when she was in school she sat next to everybody"

"Yo mama is so fat, when she went skydiving she caused an eclipse"

"Yo mama is so fat, when she went skydiving she caused an eclipse"

"Yo mama is so lazy, she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs"

"Yo mama is so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas"

"Yo mama is so stupid, she bought a super spoon for the Super Bowl"

"Yo mama is so stupid, she plays solitaire for cash"

"Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew"

"Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order"

"Yo mama is so ugly, she can make yogurt just by staring at a glass of milk"

"Yo mama is so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheck"

"Yo mama is so ugly, the NHL banned her for life"

"Yo mama's so poor, your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk"

"Yo mama's so stupid, she asked for a price check at the 99-cent store"

"Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team"

"Yo no soy antisistema, el sistema es anti yo" ("I am not anti-system. The system is anti-me")

"Yoga class? I thought you said 'pour a glass'"

"Yoga is a Sanskrit word which means 'just try not to fart'"

"Yoga is just trying not to fart while stretching"

"Yoga is my favorite way to pretend to work out"

"Yoga is single player Twister"

"Yoga is spending an hour trying not to fart"

"Yoga pants are the bacon of clothing"

"Yoga pants: The bacon of clothing"

"Yogurt is just breakfast pudding"

Yokelhoma or Yokelahoma (Oklahoma nickname)

YOLOMAWMIT (You Only Live Once, Might As Well Make It Tasty)

Yomentum ("yo" or "yes" momentum)

Yonkers: Little Apple (nickname)

Yonkers: Sixth Borough (nickname)

Yoo Hoo (soft drink and slang phrase)

Yoots or Yutes (youths)

"York peppermint patties are chocolate covered toothpaste"

"York Peppermint Patties are grown up Junior Mints"

"York Peppermint Patties are just giant Junior Mints"

"York Peppermint Patties are just large Junior Mints, or Senior Mints"

Yorkvillian (inhabitant of Yorkville, Manhattan)

"You ain't from Texas, are ya?" (Dr. Phil McGraw)

"You ain't no Muslim, bruv"

You Always Have Other Options ("Yahoo!" backronym)

"You are a beautiful cupcake in a world full of muffins"

"You ARE a good driver. That curb DOESN'T belong there"

"You are [acute] [tea] [pi]" (a cutie pie)

"You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk"

"You are at your most vulnerable when you have just scored" (soccer adage)

"You are being conditioned to give up your rights every time there's a crisis"

"You are built not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more"

"You are never more than a few feet away from a rat"

"You are never too important to be hanged for treason"

"You are not a loan"

"You are not experiencing high call volume. You are experiencing low customer service staffing"

"You are not fat. You have fat. 'Fat' does not define you"

"You are not fat. You have fat. There is a difference"

"You are not fat. You have fat. You also have fingernails. You are not fingernails"

"You are not fat. You have fat. You also have toes. You are not toes"

"You are not illiterate" (fortune cookie message)

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm"

"You are not stuck in traffic. You are traffic"

"You are now free to move about the country" (Southwest Airlines)

"You are only as sick as your secrets"

"You are only as strong as the drinks you mix, the tables you dance on & the friends you roll with"

"You are the carbon they want to eliminate"

"You are the carbon they want to reduce"

"You are the Monday of my life"

"You are the tequila, not the lime"

"'You are what you eat.' I don't remember eating a big disappointment"

"'You are what you eat.' I don't remember eating a disappointment"

"'You are what you eat.' I don't remember eating a huge disappointment"

"'You are what you eat.' I don't remember eating a massive disappointment"

"You are what you eat."/"I need to eat a skinny person."

"You are what you eat -- minus what you excrete"

"You are what you eat, so cannibals are real people persons"

"You are what you eat. So don't be fast, cheap, easy or fake"

"You are what you tweet"

"You are what your record says you are"

"You are who you pretend to be (in politics)"

"You are your best career adviser"

"You are your child's first teacher"

"You aren't a true champion until you successfully defend your title"

"You aren't going to get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have"

"You aren't meant to be understood by everyone. You're meant to blow some minds and break belief..."

"You aren’t necessarily what you eat. If you eat a vegetarian, you probably are not a vegetarian"

"You become a libertarian when you realize that it’s wrong to hurt people and take their stuff"

"You become dangerous to the enemy when you are fully awake to God"

"You belong here/We belong here" (Barclays Center Plaza sign)

"You booze, you lose"

"You boys line up, alphabetically according to your height" (sports manager jocular speech)

"You bring the alcohol, I'll bring the bad decisions"

"You bring the beer, I'll bring the bad decisions"

"You bring the booze, I'll bring the bad decisions"

"You bring the tequila, I'll bring the bad decisions"

"You bring the wine, I'll bring the bad decisions"

"You call it coffee. I call it my emotional support beverage"

"You call me 'Far Right' when you should be calling me 'Right so Far'"

"You call me paranoid. I call you uninformed"

"You call them calories. I call them delicious points"

"You can accidentally make a baby, but you can't accidentally bake a cake"

"You can accidentally make a baby, but you can't accidentally make a cake"

"You can accidentally make a baby, but you can't accidentally make a crème brûlée"

"You can accidentally make a baby, but you can't accidentally make a pizza"

"You can accidentally make a baby, but you can't accidentally make a sandwich"

"You can accidentally make a baby, but you can't accidentally make a soufflé"

"You can accidentally make a baby, but you can't accidentally make food"

"You can accidentally make a baby, but you can’t accidentally make fries"

"You can accidentally make a human life, but not a pizza"

"You can accidentally make a person, but you can't accidentally make a pizza"

"You can all come out now. I've had my coffee"

"You can also do work the day after tomorrow. Be lazy. Think crazy"

"You can always tell a dogwood by its bark"

"You can always tell a Texan -- but you can't tell him much"

"You can always trust me. Not alone with cake, but other than that"

"You can be a night owl AND an early bird if your sleep schedule's fucked enough"

"You can be a night owl AND an early bird if your sleep schedule's messed up enough"

"You can be as polite as you want. The state will still fucking kill you"

"You can be right, or you can be rich"

"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world & there's still somebody who hates peaches"

"You can beat a race, but you can't beat the races"

"You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it"

"You can board a train at dawn and, twenty-four hours later, still be in Texas"

"You can borrow for college, but not for retirement"

"You can build a throne with bayonets, but it's difficult to sit on it"

"You can buy a half chicken at Whole Foods"

"You can buy education, but wisdom is a gift from God"

"You can buy half a chicken at Whole Foods"

"You can catch more flies with honey, but you can catch more honeys being fly"

"You can catch more flies with honey, but you can catch more honeys by being fly"

"You can change a cucumber into a pickle, but you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber"

"You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart"

"You can do it. -- Coffee"

"You can do it. -- Tequila"

"You can do it. -- Vodka"

"You can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test. It can't be both"

"You can either trust the government or you can understand history, but you can't do both"

"You can enjoy pizza with 3 friends if 3 of them are sleeping"

"You can expect what you inspect" (management adage)

"You can feel sore tomorrow, or you can feel sorry tomorrow -- you choose"

"You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough"

"You can get a man with face powder, but it takes baking powder to keep him"

"You can get any politician to vote for anything if you buy him a big enough steak"

"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word"

"You can give them a job layng down and they'll stand up to quit"

"You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard"

YOU CAN HELP! REALLY!!

"You can judge a lot about a restaurant by how they maintain their restrooms"

"You can judge a man by his shoes" (fashion adage)

"You can kiss my ass in Macy's window"

"You can legally park in a handicap spot if you get back with your ex more than 2 times"

"You can literally go the rest of your life without eating"

"You can live three weeks without food, three days without water, but not a moment without hope"

"You can love your country without having to love your government"

"You can make anything out of lignin, except money"

"You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular"

"You can never be sure how many beers you had last night" (Heineken Uncertainty Principle)

"You don't buy beer, you just rent it"

"You can never have too much pitching" (baseball adage)

"You can observe a lot by watching"

"You can only say 'WTF' so many times a day until you decide to start drinking"

"You can play a shoestring if you're sincere"

"You can play hurt, but you can't play injured" (sports adage)

"You can pray all you want, but eventually David had to pick up a stone and act against Goliath"

"You can pretend to care, but you can't pretend to be there"

"You can put 30 different fruits in a smoothie, but put a banana in and it's a banana smoothie"

"You can put literally any topping other than cheese on a hamburger and it's still a hamburger"

"You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits"

"You can rob a bank with a gun, but you can rob the world with a bank"

"You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah"

"You can run into debt, but you have to crawl out"

"You can say 'have a nice day,' but 'enjoy the next 24 hours' sounds threatening"

"You can say 'have a nice day,' but 'enjoy your next 24 hours' sounds threatening"

"You can shoot a man with impunity, but you'd better not steal his cow"

"You can skate a skateboard and surf a surfboard, but you can’t snow a snowboard"

"You Can Smell Our Pits From Miles Away" & "I Got Sauced at the Lick" (The Salt Lick Bar-B-Que)

"You can steal my memes if you want. But I lick every one of them before I post them"

"You can take a boy out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of a boy"

"You can take that to the bank and smoke it"

"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans"

"You can tell a lot about a person by what the order at a restaurant when someone else is paying"

"You can tell a girl likes you if she stares at your phone instead of her own"

"You can tell Santa is a man because no woman would ever wear the same outfit every year"

"You can tell who's winnin' by who's whinin'" (Ross Perot)

"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out"

"You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face"

"You can throw the records out the window" (rivalry games are always competitive)

"You can train hard or you can train long, but you can't do both"

"You can trust a dog to guard your house, but never trust a dog to guard your sandwich"

"You can trust your car to the man who wears the star" (Texaco ad jingle)

"You can trust your dog to guard your house, but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich"

"You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish"

"You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish"

"You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wife’s birthday"

"You can understand history or you can trust the state. You can’t do both"

"You can vaccinate the entire planet, but you can't feed the starving?"

"You can vax the entire planet, but you can't feed the starving?"

"You can vote your way into communism, but you have to shoot your way out"

"You can vote your way into socialism, but you have to shoot your way out"

"You can wake up sore or you can wake up sorry"

"You cannot be serious!" (John McEnroe)

"You cannot claim alcohol as a dependent on your taxes"

"You cannot comply your way out of systemic racism"

"You cannot comply your way out of tyranny"

"You cannot get the water to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek"

"You cannot inject health"

"You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind each blade of grass"

"You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass"

"You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it"

"You cannot pretend to play the air guitar"

"You cannot push anyone up the ladder unless he is willing to climb"

"You cannot put a crown on a clown and expect him to behave like a king"

"You can't sell from an empty wagon"

"You cannot separate church and state when the state is your church"

"You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist"

"You cannot use all-purpose flour for all purposes"

"You cannot wake up someone who is only pretending to be asleep" (political proverb)

"You can't ban your way to freedom"

"You can't be right by doing wrong; you can't be wrong by doing right"

"You can't be sad when you're holding a cupcake"

"You can't be too rich or too thin"

"You can't beat a horse with no horse" (political adage)

"You can't beat somebody with nobody"

"You can't beat what you can't catch"

"You can't bomb your way to democracy"

"You can't bomb your way to security"

"You can't BS a BSer" ("You can't bullshit a bullshitter")

"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do"

"You can't build with someone who ain't trying to help you carry the bricks"

"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it"

"You can't catch a walk" (baseball adage)

"You can't coach speed" ("You can't coach height")

"You can't comply your way out of totalitarianism"

"You can't con a con man"

"You can't cook with cold grease"

"You can't cook with cold grease" (boxing adage)

"You can't do today's job with yesterday's tools and still be in business tomorrow"

"You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning"

"You can't eat decor"

"You can't eat gold (or silver)"

"You can't eat just one" ("Betcha can't eat just one")

"You can't eat like a bird and poop like an elephant" (trading adage)

"You can't eat relative performance" (Wall Street proverb)

"You can't evict an idea" (Occupy Wall Street slogan)

"You can't expect to look like a million bucks if you eat from the dollar menu"

"You can't fake desperation (sports adage)

"You can't fall if you don't climb. But there's no joy in living your whole life on the ground"

"You can't fax a handshake"

"You can't fight city hall" (proverb)

"You can't fire 25 players, so you fire the manager"

"You can't fire a cannon from a canoe"

"You can't fire me -- I quit!"

"You can't fire the owner" (sports adage)

"You can't fix stupid"

"You can't fix stupid, but you can vote it out"

"You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day"

"You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day"

"You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Twitter every day"

"You can't fix stupid, but you can watch that shit all day long at work"

"You can't fix stupid. Not even with duct tape"

"You can't fool an aborted baby because it wasn't born yesterday"

"You can't fool an aborted fetus. It wasn't born yesterday"

"You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good"

"You can't get to the top by sitting on your bottom"

"You can't give a major league team four outs" (baseball adage)

"You can’t give away a used mattress but somehow we’ll pay 100/night to sleep on one at a hotel"

"You can’t give away a used mattress but somehow we’ll pay 300/night to sleep on one at a hotel"

"You can't go wrong with bricks and mortar"

"You can't have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage work ethic"

"You can't have your Kate and Edith, too"

"You can't hit a three-run homer with nobody on base" (baseball adage)

"You can't hit what you can't catch"

"You can't hit what you can't see"

"You can’t inject health"

"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution"

"You can't keep a good man down"

"You can't keep a good market down"

"You can’t learn to swim by reading a book"

"You can’t learn to swim in a library"

"You can't leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution"

"You can't legislate morality/common sense/prosperity"

"You can't live a full life on an empty stomach"

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who can't repay you"

"You can’t make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it’s just a small s."

"You can't make a Hamlet without breaking eggs"

"You can't make a Hamlet without breaking egos"

"You can't make a Hamlet without breaking legs"

"You can't make a soufflé rise twice"

"You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit"

"You can't make everybody happy. You're not a Nutella jar"

"You can't make half a sandwich"

"You can't make the club in the tub" (sports adage)

"You can't out-exercise a bad diet"

"You can't outrun a fart on a treadmill"

"You can't outrun a Motorola"

"You can't pick cherries with your back to the tree"

"You can't pick your friends' noses"

"You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany"

"You can't play boxing" ("You don't play boxing")

"You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first"

"You can't predict baseball" (baseball adage)

"You can't push a string" (economics adage)

"You can't push yourself forward by patting yourself on the back"

"You can't put a crown on a clown and expect a king"

"You can't reform fascism"

"You can't ride two horses with one behind"

"You can't say Dallas doesn't love you, Mr. President" (Nellie Connally)

"You can't script October" (baseball adage)

"You can't see the future through a rear view mirror"

"You can’t set a Hallmark movie in Texas. Unexpected snow isn’t magical down here"

"You can’t set a Hallmark movie in the South. Unexpected snow isn’t magical down here"

"You can’t spell 'automaton' without 'tomato'"

"You can't spell earth without art"

"You can't spell 'healthcare' without THC"

"You can't spell heart without art"

"You can't spell paint without pain"

"You can't spell painting without pain"

"You can't spell 'pharma' without 'harm'"

"You can't spell 'pharma" without the word 'harm'"

"You can't spell 'pharmaceutical' without 'harm'"

"You can't spell 'pharmacy' without 'harm'"

"You can’t spell quarantine without 'u r a q t'" (pickup line)

"You can't spell sausage without U.S.A."

"You can't spell sausage without usage"

"You can't spell subtext without buttsex"

"You can't spell virus without U and I" (pickup line)

"You can't spell virus without us" (pickup line)

"You can't spend your way to prosperity" ("You can't borrow your way to prosperity")

"You can't spend yourself rich"

"You can't spend yourself rich and you can't vote yourself free"

"You can't steal first base" (baseball adage)

"You can't steal second base while your foot is on first base"

"You can't stop him, you can only hope to contain him"

"You can't swing a dead cat in Austin without hitting a musician"

"You can't take a second drink unless you have taken a first"

"You can't take something off the Internet, It's like taking pee out of a pool"

"You can't take it with you"

"You can't take the honky tonk out of the girl"

"You can't tax your way to prosperity. You can't bomb your way to security. And you can't ban your way to liberty"

"You can't teach scoring" (sports adage)

"You can't tell the players without a score card"

"You can't hit and think at the same time" (baseball saying)

"You can't vote yourself free"

"You can't walk your way off the island" (Dominican baseball adage)

"You can't win a championship shooting jumpers" (basketball adage)

"You can't win them all"

"You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit the game" (Ginsberg's Theorem)

"You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time"

"You come from dust, you return to dust. That's why I don't dust. It could be someone I know"

"You comply because you want it to end, but it doesn’t end because you comply"

"You comply because you want it to end, but it's because of your compliance that it may never end"

"You comply because you want it to end, but it's because of your compliance that it will never end"

"You could give them a job laying down and they'll get up and quit"

"You could give them a job sleeping and they'll wake up and quit"

"You could save more lives by taking pens away from politicians than by taking guns away..."

"You could stand to lose 5 pounds...but running is more effective"

"You: 'Curly fries.' Me, an intellectual: 'Rotatoes'"

"You deserve whatever happens to you on a pogo stick"

"You do not lead by hitting people over the head"

"You do not suspend freedom for the greater good. Freedom is the greater good"

"You don't believe you've been lied to and brainwashed because...you've been lied to"

"You don't build a church for Easter Sunday"

"You don't choose boxing; boxing chooses you"

"You don't critique a win" (hockey adage)

"You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there"

"You don't get a body like mine overnight. It takes years of moderate neglect and bacon"

"You don't get ulcers from what you eat; you get them from what's eating you"

"You don't get what you deserve -- you get what you negotiate"

"You don't grow out of Legos, you just graduate to Ikea"

"You don’t hate journalists enough. You think you do, but you don’t"

"You don't have a valentine for Valentine's Day? I don't have a groundhog for Groundhog Day"

"You don't have much of a case" (damaged luggage joke)

"You don’t have to be a beer drinker to play darts, but it helps"

"You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps"

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great"

"You Don't Have To Be Jewish" (Levy's Jewish Rye)

"You don't have to eat less. You just have to eat right"

"You don't have to get it right. You just have to get it going"

"You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here" (bar saying at closing time)

"You don't have to like me. I'm not a Facebook status"

"You don't have to stay up nights to succeed; you have to stay awake days"

"You don’t inspire others by being perfect. You inspire them by how you deal with imperfections"

"You don't know broke until you've rinsed off a paper plate"

"You don't know poor until you've rinsed off a paper plate"

"You don't learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing and falling over"

"You don't lose your job due to injury" (sports adage)

"You don't need a parachute to skydive" (joke)

"You don't need a silver fork to eat good food"

"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows"

"You don’t need analysts in a bull market, and you don’t want them in a bear market"

"You don't need committees to solve things. Just find two women on an evening fitness walk"

"You don't need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by your imperfection"

"You don't pay taxes. They take taxes"

"You don't put robbers to work in a bank"

"You don’t realize how hard you chew until you bite the inside of your cheek"

"You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor to wrap Christmas gifts..."

"You don't really need a pilot's license, What are they going to do, pull you over?"

"You don't recruit JuCos to sit on the bench" (college football adage)

"You don't truly understand how ugly the world is until you’re trying to protect your child"

"You don't truly understand how ugly the world is until you’re trying to protect your children"

"You don't unite with evil. You defeat it"

"You don't want to be the coach who follows the legend" (coaching adage)

"You don't win friends with salad"

"You don't win silver -- you lose gold"

"You earn your trophies at practice. You pick them up at competitions"

"You eat chicken nuggets, but you refuse a vaccine because you don’t know what's in it"

"You eat hot dogs your entire life, but refuse a vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it"

"You eat sausages your whole life, but you refuse vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it"

"You either understand history or you trust the government. You can't do both"

"You ever had a really long week and then realize it's Thursday?"

"You ever had a really long week and then realize it's Wednesday?"

"You ever hit a pothole so hard you apologize to your car?"

"You ever looked at taxes on your paycheck and try to figure out when the government worked those 40 hours with you"

"You ever looked at the taxes on your check and tryna figure out when the government worked them 40 hours with you"

"You ever pay bills SO MUCH that when you have money left over you be like... WTF I forget to pay?"

"You ever try to breath quieter while walking up a hill so bystanders don’t hear you..."

"You found out the world doesn’t revolve around you. Let me pour you a tall glass of get over it"

"You furnish the pictures and I'll furnish the war" (Spanish-American War)

"You get what you get and you don't get upset"

"You get what you pay for"

"You go to Los Angeles to become somebody; you go to New York when you are somebody"

"You go to New York to become somebody; you to go Los Angeles to become famous"

"You got a sticker for voting. Bananas get a sticker for being bananas"

"You got a sticker for voting? Bananas get stickers for being bananas"

"You got stung by a bee? Why didn't you get stung by an A?"

"You gotta bake a lot of baked bads before you bake any baked goods"

"You gotta believe!" ("Ya gotta believe!")

"You Gotta Have Park" (Central Park Conservancy)

"You gotta hustle for the muscle"

"You gotta love it, baby!" (basketball catchphrase)

"You gotta throw the corn where the hogs can get it"

"You had me at hello" (Renée Zellweger in the film Jerry Maguire)

"You had one job" (meme)

"You hate your job? There's a support group that meets at the bar"

"You hate your job? There's a support group that meets at the bar"

"You have a friend at Chase Manhattan" (Chase Manhattan)

"You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved"

"You have been assigned this mountain to show others that it can be moved"

You Have No Idea (El Paso slogan)

"You have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide"

"You have three choices: Give up, give in, or give it all you've got"

"You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea"

"You have to be a contortionist in this economy to make ends meet"

"You have to be a little crazy to live in New York, but you’d be nuts to live anywhere else"

"You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it's acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch"

"You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince" (proverb)

"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else"

"You have to pay taxes so they protect you from what they'll do to you if you don't pay taxes"

"You have to put off being young until you can retire"

"You have to question the modus operandi of people who use Latin for no reason"

"You have to speculate to accumulate" (gambling proverb)

"You have two cows..." (Parable of the Isms)

"You have Van Gogh's ear for music" (no ear for music)

"You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running"

"You haven't lived until you died in New York"

"You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart"

"You knew summer was coming and you just kept eating"

"You knew summer was coming but you still kept eating"

"You knew summer was coming & u just kept eating"

"You know a restaurant is fancy when instead of bringing the bill, they bring the William"

"You know it’s bad when you don’t even get morning skinny anymore"

"You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold"

"You know it's real fall when Mallomars are out"

"You know it's tax season when you see a dancing Statue of Liberty on the street corner"

"You know it's tax season when you see a dancing Statue of Liberty on the street corner"

"You know it's time to clean out your purse when the car assumes it's a second passenger..."

"You know it's time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation"

"You know liberal brainwashing is real when you see white people protesting against white people"

"You know people think you are tall AND fat if they ask if you play football instead of basketball"

"You know summer is over when Mallomars are back on the shelf"

"You know that stash of food napkins in your glove box? It's their time to shine"

"You know the brainwashing is real when white people start protesting white people..."

"You know the brainwashing is real when white people protest against white people for being white"

"You know the food is expensive when the restaurant menu has no dollar signs"

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans." (George Carlin)

"You know those orange cones they put on the highway? I just beat my high score"

"You know what I mean, jelly bean?" (YKWIMJB)

"You know what it doesn't say in the Constitution? Give up your rights to appease crybaby liberals"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Alcohol"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Beer"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Bourdon"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Cabernet"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Champagne"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Gin"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Hennessy"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Liquor store"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Margarita"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Martini"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Merlot"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Mimosa"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Moscato"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Pie day"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Prosecco"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Rum"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Scotch"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Tequila"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Vodka"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Whiskey"

"You know what rhymes with Friday? Wine"

"You know what rhymes with golf? Beer"

"You know what rhymes with golf? Beer"

"You know what rhymes with golf? Wine"

"You know what rhymes with golf? Wine"

"You know what rhymes with Monday? Coffee"

"You know what sounds amazing for dinner? Anything I don't have to cook"

"You know what they say about cliffhangers"

"You know what they say about drinking too much tequila..."

"You know when something is lost when you check the fridge for it"

"You know when you buy a bag of salad and it starts getting brown... Doughnuts never do that"

"You know when you buy a bag of salad and it gets all brown and soggy? Cookies don’t do that"

"You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days? It's the mask era"

"You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake"

"You know you country if you can smell rain or snow"

"You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!''

"You know your life is boring when you only wear work clothes and bed clothes"

"You know you're a bad driver when Siri says: 'In 400 feet, stop and let me out'"

"You know you're at a gay barbecue when the wieners taste like shit"

"You know you're drunk when you sit down on the toilet and try to put your seatbelt on"

"You know you're drinking too much coffee when you don't sweat, you percolate"

"You know you're drunk when you put food in the microwave and then enter your PIN"

"You know you're drunk when you get home, put food in the microwave and then enter your PIN"

"You know you're from the country if you can smell the rain coming"

"You know you're getting old when you hear your favorite song in an elevator"

"You know you're getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work"

"You know you're getting old when 'friends with benefits' means someone who can drive at night"

"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake"

"You know you're getting old when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to"

"You know you're getting old, when you look at the clock to see if it's late enough to go to bed"

"You know you're getting older when it feels like the morning after, but there was no night before"

"You know you’re good friends with someone when you know your way around their kitchen"

"You know you're in a bear market when people are losing money but feeling pretty good about it"

"You know you're lazy when you get excited about cancelled plans"

"You know you're old when you clean to the music you used to drink to"

"You know you're over 30 when you now clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to"

"You know you're over 40 when you now clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to"

"You learn to read, and then you read to learn"

"You lift, you lose" (drag racing adage)

"You look like I could use a drink" ("You look like I need another drink")

"You made it out of bed! Congratulations! You deserve a coffee for that!"

"You make more money selling advice than following it"

"You make your money in stocks, you keep it in bonds" (Wall Street adage)

"You manage things; you lead people"

"You Matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy"

"You Matter. Until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy"

"You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas" (Davy Crockett)

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it"

"You may test that assumption at your convenience"

"You may test that assumption at your earliest convenience"

"You meditate for 20 minutes a day, unless you're too busy; then you should sit for an hour"

"You might as well go ahead and pronounce the 'G' in 'lasagna.' Nothing matters anymore"

"You might as well go ahead and pronounce the 'G' in 'lasagne.' Nothing matters anymore"

"You might as well go ahead and pronounce the 'P' in 'raspberry.' Nothing matters anymore"

"You might as well just pronounce the 'L' in 'salmon.' Nothing really matters anymore"

"You might be a hillbilly if you think 'lol' means low on liquor"

"You might be a redneck if you think 'lol' means low on liquor"

"You might be Texan if you base your restaurant decisions on its chips and salsa"

"You might be Texan if you base your restaurant decisions on its chips and salsa"

"You might live in Texas if you shovel snow and need to mow your yard in the same week"

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" (hockey adage)

"You miss 100 percent of the espresso shots you don't take"

"You must continue to gain expertise, but avoid thinking like an expert"

"You must have a great camera" (photography joke)

"You must have great pots and pans" (joke)

"You must have long-range goals to keep from being frustrated by short-range failures"

"You must pay taxes. But there's no law that says you gotta leave a tip"

"You need the ball to score" (football adage)

"You need to get a vaccine that doesn’t work so the vaccine I got that doesn’t work will work"

"You need to love your freedom more than you're scared of a germ"

"You never cut funny" (scriptwriting adage)

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression"

"You never hear skinny people saying, 'I'm just small boned'"

"You never know how out of shape you are until you try to get back in shape"

"You never know how strong you are until you're home alone and have to open your own pickles"

"You never know how strong you are until your power steering goes out"

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"

"You never know what you’ll see when you come to the ballpark" (baseball adage)

"You never realize how anti-social you are until there's a pandemic and your life doesn't change"

"You never realize how bumpy a road is until you try to take a drink of something"

"You never realize how bumpy a road is until you try to write something"

"You never realize how bumpy the road is until you drive on it with a full bladder"

"You never realize how long a minute is until you're exercising"

"You never realize how long a minute is until you're exercising"

"You never really hear about anyone stress-eating vegetables"

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive"

"You never want a serious crisis to go to waste"

"You no longer associate bridges over rivers with water" (Texas heat joke)

"You only get paid for done"

"You only have a gambling problem if you lose" ("It's only a gambling problem if you're losing")

"You only live once. Lick the bowl"

"You ordered pepper only" (pepperoni pizza joke)

"You put it down like New York City. I never sleep"

"You pays your money and you takes your choice"

"You people who have just one glass of wine... What's that like?"

"You realize that asphalt has a liquid state" (Texas heat joke)

"You remind me of a penny -- two-faced and not worth much"

"You remind me of a penny -- two-faced and worthless"

"You remind me of a penny -- worthless and found in everyone's pants"

"You run around for 90 minutes and the Germans win" (soccer saying)

"You said you had between ten and fifteen million dollars in the bank" (joke)

"You said you liked month puns. Why'd July to me?"

"You say alcoholism, I say liver crossfit"

"You say drunk and disorderly. I say spirited and spontaneous"

"You say potato, I say vodka"

"You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" (to do one another favors)

"You should be able to redeem brownie points for actual brownies"

"You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!"

"You should get an employee discount for using self-checkout in a store"

"You should invest like a Catholic marries -- for life" (Warren Buffett)

"You should never sacrifice three things: your family, your heart, or your dignity"

"You should try anything once -- except incest and folk dancing"

"You shouldn’t need a medical exemption to opt out of something..."

"You shouldn't need an exemption to opt out of a medical procedure..."

"You should've been at the manicure world championships. What a nail-biting finish"

"You simply cannot leave those who created the problem in chare of the solution!"

"You sound vaccinated"

"You stay compliant. I'll stay defiant"

"You stay safe. I'll stay free"

"You talk shit about cops now, but just wait until a guy breaks into your house..."

"You there, Friday! Welcome back you sexy beast you! We have been looking for you since Monday!"

"You there, Friday! Welcome back you sexy son of a bitch! We been looking for you since Monday!"

"You think 2020 was bad? Just wait until it turns 21 and starts drinking"

"You think you are not educated enough to teach your own children, so..."

"You thought dogs were hard to train? Look at all the humans who can’t sit and stay"

"You throw away the outside and keep the inside, then you eat the outside and throw away the inside"

"You told me the tacos were Keto."/"I said these are taquitos."

"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol; you treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol"

"You unsubscribed from our email list. Our unsubscribe donkey, Kevin, will begin his journey…"

"You unsubscribed from our email list. Our unsubscribe donkey, Pepe, will begin his journey..."

"You usually don't know how poorly you swept until you start mopping"

"You wanna pizza me?"

"You want men to stop staring at your boobs? Eat a banana"

"You want to be sick enough to stay home, but well enough to enjoy video games"

"You want to be too sick for school, but well enough to play video games"

"You want to hear a coronavirus joke? You probably won't get it"

"You want to hear a Social Security joke? You probably won't get it"

"You want to hear an Ebola joke? You probably won't get it"

"You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and taking ibuprofen..."

"You want to see social distancing? Lend them some money"

"You wash dishes, and two weeks later you have to do it again"

"You were born a cow, but now you are a fish" (joke)

"You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success & endowed with the seeds of greatness"

"You will be happier if you will give people a bit of your heart rather than a piece of your mind"

"You will find the key to success under the alarm clock"

"You will never always be motivated. You have to learn to be disciplined"

"You will never find justice in a world where criminals make the law"

"You will never find justice in a world where criminals make the laws"

"You will never leave a bigger carbon footprint as the celebrities that lecture you about yours"

"You will never leave a bigger carbon footprint than the celebrities that lecture you about yours"

"You win some, you lose some, and some get rained out"

"You won’t take a vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it? Name ingredients in Pop Tarts"

"You wouldn't worry about what people may think of you if you could know how seldom they do"

YouBoob (YouTube nickname)

"You'd be amazed at how many times I fucked around without finding a single thing out"

"You'd think the crescent roll's packages would have a warning like: May blow your hand off if opened correctly"

"You’d think the bathrooms at Bed Bath, & Beyond would be much nicer"

"You’d think the self-checkout lanes would have more mirrors"

"You'll have a whole eternity to think inside the box"

"You'll lose money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money"

You'll Love Lufkin (Lufkin motto/slogan)

"You'll never find justice in a country where criminals make the rules"

"You'll never find justice in a land where criminals make all the rules"

"You'll never find justice in a world where criminals make all the rules"

"You’ll never get rich working at a rubber dog shit factory, but you’ll make doo"

"You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be"

"You'll own nothing. And you'll be happy" (Great Reset)

"Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth"

"Your bank account is the adult version of your report card"

"Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled"

"Your best bet is a vet" (military veterans saying)

"Your best teacher is your last mistake"

"Your best thinking got you here" (Alcoholics Anonymous saying)

"'Your bill is ready to view' well I’m not ready to view it"

"Your body is a temple, but keep the spirits on the outside"

"Your Broadway and Mine" (Walter Winchell poem)

"Your call is important to us. But not important enough for us to employ staff to answer it"

"Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line..." (joke)

"Your car's been keyed. The good news is that the damage looks to B minor"

"Your cell phone has already replaced your camera, your calendar, your alarm clock..."

"Your cell phone has already replaced your camera, your watch, your calendar..."

"Your cell phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar, and alarm clock..."

"Your child may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot" (bumper sticker)

"Your credit card pays for things with future hours of your life"

"Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn"

"Your debit card pays for things with past hours of your life"

"Your fast food can be your last food"

"Your feet are hurting because u r kicking so much ass"

"Your finest Scotch, please" (Scotch tape joke)

"Your finest Scotch, please" (Scotch tape joke)

"Your glass is empty. Would you like another?"/"Why would I want two empty glasses?"

"Your government is imploding. Stay calm and make your way to the nearest conspiracy theorist"

"Your government scares the shit out of you in order to take away your freedom"

"Your government thinks you're an idiot. Please stop trying to prove them right"

"Your grandfather didn't sleep in a foxhole in a far away land...so you would surrender your guns"

"Your grandfather didn't sleep in a foxhole...so you would have to show papers to buy food"

"Your grasshoppers (kangaroos) are bigger than ours" (Texas-Australia size joke)

"Your habits are driving your performance. Your rituals are creating your results"

"Your health is an investment, not an expense"

"Your ignorance is their power"

"Imagination is everything; it is the preview of life's coming attractions"

"Your kilt should be short enough for dancing a jig, but long enough to hide your lucky charms"

"Your life does not get better by chance; it gets better by change"

"Your life is your message to the world. Make sure it's inspiring"

"Your mama is the reason this town is called The Big Easy" ("yo mama" joke)

"Your mask protects me. My mask protects you"

"Your meme has just entered the meme relocation program"

"Your Merry Christmas depends on what others do for you; New Year on what you do for others"

"Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds..."

"Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does. That's why I think of jogging every day"

"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"

"Your money or your life!"/"I'm thinking it over."

"Your mother wears army boots!" (insult)

"Your mother wears army shoes!" (insult)

"Your mother wears combat boots!" (insult)

"Your Neighborhood Store And So Much More" (Key Food)

"'Your network connection is unstable'-- yeah well so am I and I still work"

"Your network is your net worth"

"Your News Now" (News 8 Austin slogan)

"Your obedience is prolonging this nightmare"

"'Your password is weak' well so is my memory so plz let me keep it"

"Your pay raise becomes effective when you do"

"Your purchase of $19.99 comes to $21.36 after theft"

"Your religion does not prohibit me from anything. It prohibits you. Learn the difference"

"Your round."/"So are you, you fat bastard!" (bar joke)

Your safety matters to us

"Your salary is the bribe they give you to forget your dreams"

"Your self-worth is more important than your net worth"

"Your stomach shouldn't be a waist basket"

"Your stomach thinks all potato is mashed"

"Your strengths get you into the playoffs, but your weaknesses are what will eliminate you"

"Your tax dollars at work"

"Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth"

"Your vibe attracts your tribe"

"You're a fake, a phony, and a fraud" (talk radio catchphrase)

"You're all wrong. The earth isn't flat or round. It's fucked"

"You're all wrong. The earth isn't round or flat. It's fucked"

"You're being conditioned to believe freedom is selfish"

"You're brew-tiful" (brew + beautiful)

"You're celebrating today because regular citizens had military grade weapons"

"You're crazy to everyone who can't manipulate you"

"You're either a contrarian or a victim"

"You're either in Luck or you're out of Luck" (Luck city slogan)

"You're either selling wins or you're selling hope" (sports adage)

"You're fired!" (Donald Trump)

"You're going to like the way you look. I guarantee it." (Men's Wearhouse)

"You're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price" (joke)

"You're gonna get spoiled" (Beefsteak Charlie's)

"You're in Texas -- it's a local call (to God)" (joke)

"You’re legally allowed to park in a handicap spot if you get back with your ex more than twice"

"You're like school in July -- no class"

"You're more likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket than you are to actually win"

"You’re more likely to divorce than to switch bank accounts"

"You're never more than two weeks away from a drought"

"You're never too old to beg for free candy" (Halloween saying)

"You're never too old to learn something stupid"

"You're never too old to play in the leaves"

"You're not a civil-rights hero if you're begging the State to take freedoms away"

"You're not a firework. Don't drive lit"

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on"

"You're not lactose intolerant. You're just not a baby cow"

"You're not old until the local 'oldies' station is playing your high school songs"

"You're only as good as your last trade" (Wall Street adage)

"You're only as good as your second serve" (tennis adage)

"You're only as strong as the drinks you mix, the tables you dance on & the friends you party with"

"You're only one workout away from a good mood"

"You're redneck if entertainment is a bug zapper and a six-pack"

"You're so dumb, you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company" (joke)

"You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she was fined for littering"

"You're telling me a chicken fried this rice?" (chicken fried rice joke)

"You're telling me a whore made these derves?"

"You're the apple to my pie"

"You're the cheese to my macaroni"

"You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi...worthless"

"You're too blessed to be stressed"

"You're too old to try and ride that skateboard!"/Me -- "Hold my Ensure."

"You're wondering about the floor in my building where we go to tell jokes? Funny story..."

Yourgage (your + mortgage)

"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve"

Youthquake or Youth Quake (youth + earthquake)

"You've got to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat"

"You've got to hand it to relay runners"

"You've got to make contacts to make contracts"

"You've Tried the Rest, Now Try the Best"

YOYO Economics ("You're On Your Own")

Yoyos or Yo-Yos (Mexican pastries)

"Yuan some, you lose some" (Chinese yuan puns)

Yuge (huge)

Yuglies (young + ugly; Dallas Cowboys offensive line)

"'Yum, kipper!' -- a Jewish man enjoying his breakfast on the Day of Atonement"

Yum (Yum-Yum; Yummy; Yumptious; Yum-O)

Yupper West Side

Yuppie